A Sound in the Midst of Silence

2003-04-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

TODAY....

I should be heading for school....around 12ish. Don't know what time exactly cause my Mudder told me to wait for her. So here I am at home and updating my page and talking to my buddy.

I just realized that school is going to take most of my life, but one day it will pay off when I become a lawyer...corporate or immigration? Don't know exactly what I would like to do...leaning towards Immigration Law.

I need some coffee...STARBIZZLE's sounds so good right now!

2003-04-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday:

Tuesday morning, I arrived at school as it was planned...early in the morning to work on my paper in the computer lab at skewl. I arrived at school around 6:45 in the morning. GAWD, SOOOOO DAMN EARLY!

I rushed with the quickness to the lab and luckil noone was really there yet. Some how people manage to go to skewl very early in the morning and work on their papers...BUNCH OF PROCRASTINATORS! hah hah...::pointing at myself:: I never thought that people would actually wake very early in order to finsh or start on a paper that was due within a few hours.

So I finished my paper at 8AM and actually had one extra page. The professor said five pages, but you know I can't seem to put every single thought in to that little amount. I needed atleast one more page.

Class starts in 10 minutes and instead of going there straight to class...I decided to have coffee and a Bensons cause I was very proud to pull myself out of that situation....REMEMBER: DON'T PROCRASTINATE! Surely, this happens to everyone...I know it has happened to me several times this semester...NO FOCUS...ATTENTION TO PCN! j/k! So, I arrived to class late about 20 mins late...I wanted to enjoy the nice day so I took my time smoking that Benson and sipping that coffee. I can't help it! The professor was talking about 17 Syllables and Yoneko's Earthquake...I knew what they were talking about cause I read the stories and took notes...I wasn't clueless and never would be when it comes to discussions and literary analyses. After 30 mins. of class...IT SUDDENLY ENDED! I was a bit confused as to why it was cut short. She said that discussion had already happened and now the viewing of the film will begin next week.

So, I left thinking that this day was going by fast. I had 20 mins. to spare til my next class and I was sitting down infront of Burke Hall when this stranger came up to me and asked me if I danced....OUT OF THE BLUE! I was surprised and told the person that I don't dance and don't beling in a group. :::I WISH I DID!::: <------said it in my mind...This person asked if I wanted to join and handed me a flyer. I kinda knew why I was approached...it was because of the outfit that I was wearing....I copied Justin T's style: army green shirt, brown and cream baseball tee, dark denim pants, black rag, army green old skewl mesh hat, one leather poor boy black glove, blk and army green plastic bracelets, blk cuff and and a studded belt....FASHIONABLY STOOD OUT! I had my big headphones as well and at the same time was listening to Justin T's CD. Or it could be that I was dancing and messing around with my buddie pal, Katrina. We sort of dancing...

So next, class came and it was alright...watched two films "Her Uprooting Roots Her" and "Tagumpay"...after this class was my human sex class...we had a guestspeaker and she was an educated, well established (married and kids), had her own business....CLASSY ASS PROSTITUTE! Seriously, she was very educated...got her degree in Psychology and is working on writing a book. It was very interesting...I would never think of a prostitute that acutally had class. She was very educated and presented herself very well. INTERESTING!

I sat there taking notes and made sure that I captured her every word...I have to write two papers for this class. I haven't even started on one. I need to get started and finish this shit up cause the papers are due May 6.

My last class is Mass Media...I couldn't believe that the test was easy. I finished it and watched videos again. I finally got out of school before 7PM.....so that means I was at skewl for 12 HOURS! DAMN, THAT'S HALF THE DAY!

Note: My classes aren't that easy. Eventhough, it seems like I have been watching videos the whole day...there's a catch to it...PAPERS! It usually is 5 to 10 pages...variations apply!

2003-04-21T22:29:00.000-07:00

before I start anything..I just have to say that I'm fucked!

I haven't started on my paper and it's due tomorrow. It's due at 8AM! My computer doesn't have the necessary functions that I need inorder to type this paper. I don't understand why certain computers don't have the easily accesible MIcrosoft Word program. I need the program inorder to type the paper and then save it on a disk. Thus, bringing to school and printing it! But I don't have the program and the damn printer doesn't seem to work! So yeah, I'M FUCKED!

Well not really...come think of it! I actually started on my paper and I have two pages done. It's a five page paper on the story called "And The Soul Shall Dance". It's a comparison paper using three different mediums. I read the story, the play, and watched the film. I have to analyze the relationship of two characters using the three mediums.

Another thing is that I have a mid-term for my Asians In Mass Media class tomorrow. It's not that difficult cause it's an open notes and book test. But I haven't really read the articles that are needed in order to answer the questions in the test tomorrow. So yeah! Once again, I AM FUCKED!

blah blah blah....it's all good some how I manage to turn things around and work in super pressure, which is not good. I tried working ahead of time, but it seems like I don't get the best grades so I wait til the last minute to do my shit. LOL! Nah just kidding, I actually do better when I work ahead of time.

Today:

I woke up early and paid for my fix it ticket and showed the cop that I fixed my head light! FINALLY! It took me a long time to fix the damn light!
I paid $10.00 and then after that I went straight to Frisko. I had to go downtown and pick up important papers for my mother cause my sister needs them for college.
Right after downtown, went straight to school, read for a bit, wrote part of my paper, and stayed there til' my head started hurting. I actually did a lot of shit today. I couldn't believe it. I did errands that did not even have to deal with school. I should have done the school shit first cause I can't afford to get low ass grades. I consider Bs low grades cause I need to maintain my GPA and go to Law School! OKAY!?

That's it for now...time to work on my paper via email and just fix it in the computer lab tomorrow morning...

2003-04-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

OKAY, I can't stand the people around me right now.....

I AM ANNOYED AS HELL! MY SISTER IS BEING A TOTAL BITCH AND TODAY I AM SUPPOSE TO BE A GOOD PERSON! I DON'T KNOW...EVERY TIME I TRIED TO BE GOOD AND WHATNOT....IT ENDS UP BEING THROWN BACK AT MY FACE AND THEN HELL BREAKS LOSE! I WAS HAVING MY PEACE AND QUIET AND HERE SHE COMES AND STARTS ANNOYING AND ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS. I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT TO DO AND I TOLD TO ASK ME LATER ON. INSTEAD, SHE COMES RIGHT AT ME AND STARTS ASKING ME SO MANY QUESTIONS...SO I FUCKING YELLED AT HER AND TOLD HER: "GET OUT OF MY FACE, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, YOU STUPID ANNOYING BITCH!" YEAH AND SO?! NO WONDER MY MOM IS ALWAYS ANNOYED...IT'S BECAUSE OF HER. SUCH A BRAT! KARMA ON HER ASS!

BTW, IF YOU LOOK IN THE DICTIONARY FOR THE WORD "BITCH" IT'S MEANING IS MARIAN CORPUS, JERICHO'S LIL SISTER!

ANOTHER THING, WHEN I SAY "I DON'T KNOW" THAT MEANS "I DON'T KNOW"....I HAVEN'T MADE UP MY MIND YET TO ANSWER THE QUESTION THAT YOU'VE ASKED ME. "I DON'T KNOW" MEANS IT'S NOT A "YES" OR "NO". IT MEANS "I DON'T KNOW! I AM STILL THINKING ABOUT IT!" THAT'S ALL! NOTHING MORE OR LESS!

I CAN'T STAND IT! ACK!

GOSH, I'M JUST ONE VISCIOUS ASS BITCH TODAY....YEAH AND SO?!

2003-04-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter everyone!

One important element that I have to do today is fix the headlight of my car and clean my baby!

I'm not doing anything special today cause my mom is busy working and my sister is kicking it with her buddies. I'm going to be stuck at home and just chill. DO MAD HOMEWORK and sew my costumes.

That's about it...

any updates I will post it immediately.

UCBERZERKELY's PCN

mad shout outs to those who were in it! GREAT JOB! Enjoyed watching it, especially the kid skit. TWINS were dope! The acting was great...I haven't seen so many people yesterday. Some of these people were old skool buddies that I haven't seen for a very long time. I was glad that I met these folks once again. Christy....is your hand okay from painting all that props? LOL

Well I have to get going...have a wonderful Easter and enjoy your day!

2003-04-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

Here's the 411...

I have to do the following before the new week comes around..

buy headlights for my car cause one of them is out and you know I can't just change one...have to change both!
go to fabric store, buy the fabrics that I need to create my costumes for PCN
go to BIG5, buy knee pads for one of the dances...practicing sliding on your knees will fuck you up! THAT SHIT HURTS LIKE A BITCH! Oh yeah, buy black sweats for this dance, too.
start writing two papers (Women In The Media and Arts, and Human Sexuality)
start reading Joy Luck Club

damn I have so much to do...

TODAY

I woke up pretty late today around 11AM. I went clubbing last night at the usual spot. I went to sleep at 3AM. It was very interesting cause it was popping even though it was the third week of the month. The only reason that I could come up with was that these people are on SPRING BREAK. DAMN! It just reminds me of how stank ass my school is. I had my break like the second week of March. It was HELLA early. The thought of people enjoying their break this week makes me ill.

I have to get ready soon cause I need to go and do some errands. It's very important that I get a chance to change my lights cause I got a fix it ticket and my date to pay and show proof is tomorrow. I have to get an officer to check the correction and he has the approve it.

I also have to make a few phone calls to my San Jo folks and Vallejo folks...

If I do have time, I need to check out the mall and see if I can find something interesting to wear for Bezerkeley's PCN tomorrow. I can't wait to see it!

Go to get going...need to get ready!

2003-04-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

Blogger Mawnin' To Y'all...

Strangely enough, I fell asleep quite early last night, around 930 ish. I was really exhuasted from the past few days that I have been up late in the early morning hours. I was trying to read for my presentation that I shall be giving tomorrow, but instead I fell asleep. I woke up about 2:30 in the morning and went back to sleep. I was awaken by my mother, who wanted my to go to the bank early in the morning and get her some cash. BTW, I was awake at 7AM...that's still late cause usually I am awake by 530 AM to get ready for school. I am sooo use to waking up that early that its a daily routine for me.

Getting back to the story, I got up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and grabbed a jacket afterwards and took off for the bank. Realizing that I forgot my wallet, I had to turn back and grab it. I went to the bank and there was someone there standing outside infront of the bank. I didn't want to get out immediately cause I might get mugged or shot. So, I waited for a few minutes.....waited and waited... Finally, he left and seemed upset cause when I opened the door...he was cussing very loud. He got in his car and sped off.

I grabbed some cash from my mom's account ( a large amount ) enough for to fly to SD and stay there for the weekend with the hotel paid off...HAH HAH! She has to use it to fix the car. DAMN!

THE CITY, THE DRIVE, and MOTHER

I should be spending much of my morning with my mom cause she needs to go to the city. I didn't really want to go with her cause I have to drive to the city twice today. I have to go back home and drop her off and then come back again to school. She needs to go to the Philippine Consulate to get some papers dated and signed. Afterwards, I have to dirve her back home and dirve back to the city. Hopefully, our drive will be smooth. Before the drive to the city, we have to go to Kinko's to get some papers copied.

BTW, support Better Luck Tomorrow and here are the reviews. Has anyone seen the film? IF so, let me know what you think...sign the comments box.

I gots to go cause I have get ready to drive my mom to Frisko.

2003-04-15T00:44:00.000-07:00

Today was an interesting day....

I haven't talked on the phone sooooooooo much. Gosh, it was ringing off the hook. O got calls from Michelle, Sonny, and so many more. I must have used all my minutes...LOL!

I worked today cause I had to cover my co-workers shift. Actually, we traded shifts cause I am hoping to attend UCBerk's PCN. I don't exactly know if it's Friday or Saturday. Hopefully, it's this Friday and if not...I will have to take my shift back. Just Kidding!

It was really slow at work. I must have cleaned the store, folded every piece of clothing, fixed the jewelry place, swifered the floors and counted the registers. DAMN! All that work... it was fun!

Right after work, I went out to dinner with co-workers cause one of them just recently celebrated her 21st birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANESSA! You are legal to drink now....:::WINK::: :::WINK::: LOL!

Now, it's time for me to bounce out of here!

2003-04-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday night....

I realized that I have to do the following:

Read Seventeen Syllables (two stories: 17 Syllables and Yoneko's Earthquake) before Tuesday and Our Sexuality (Ch. 14 and 15)....I hoping that I can finish all of this before Thursday.

I have to get my shit together and it's crunch time for school is about to end. I have PCN to deal with.

BTW, I still have to make my costume for one of the dances...UGHHHH!

Stress Stress Stress Stress

I shouldn't stress...I just have to figure out ways to keep on track.

I was talking to one of my friends online and he came upon a new picture of Christina Aguilera. What do you think of her new look?

2003-04-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

Good Morning...

Well actually it's suppose to a be a great morning, but I was awaken by the loud voices in the kitchen. Screams and yells woke me up in my deep slumber. My mother and sister are fighting in the background. It's never gotten this bad. I haven't known any instances where my little sister talked back and cussed at my mom. It was really wierd and yet frightening at the same time. My sister slammed her door and shook the entire house. I can still the reprocussions from it. I was trying to listen to what the aruguement was about and it always seems to be the car. My sister needs the car to go to school (she's in high school, senior to be exact) and my mom needs the car to go to work. My mom would actually take the van, but some how it won't start because my sister managed to fuck it up. I don't know what she did, but the van won't start.

So, my sister raised her voice and said: "Go FUCKING take the car!" "TAKE IT! TAKE IT!" ....slight paused "BITCH!".... raising her voice again. My mom then responds: "BASTOS!" "GAGO!" "Anong klase na tao ka!?" "Hayop!" "Umalis kana!" "BASTOS!".....slight pause and I can hear her sobs...she starts to cry...I suddenly had a temeprature rise and I can't help but wanting to choke my stupid little sister. I wanted to beat her ass. Actually, my sister never had a hand laid on her. She was brought up with only warnings or the two hour interrogation by mom. She then comes out of her room and starts screaming: "FUCK, TAKE THE CAR!" "TAKE IT!" "TAKE IT!"....in all it was the same words that was repeated over and over....I finally had enough! I rose out of bed....started to yell at her and said: "YOU ARE ONE RUDE, UNEDUCATED, SELFISH LIL BRAT!" I couldn't say "bitch" cause it was overly used in the conversation between my mom and sister.... I grabbed my sister and pushed her to the couch and she stands up anf pushes me....OUT OF CONTROL....I wanted to sock her ass! But I know I couldn't do it cause my mom would start yelling at me and then the tables would turn. I would be the one in trouble...So, I yell at my sister: "I'll TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL and TAKE MY PHONE SO YOU CAN CALL ME WHEN YOU NEED TO GET PICKED UP!"...I grabbed the keys and off we go...

In the car, I started yelling at her...told her that she was very rude and that's she's a bitch and a little piece of shit....I imagined slamming her had on the dashboard (it was a little to weird for me, but when anger takes over, you can't really do anything....only your mind takes control and your actions occur) and hoping that she will get some sense in her fucked up head....but I suddenly stopped cause I know that if I continue...I would have done it...she became silent the rest of the ride to school...I don't know what she was thinking, but she was very quiet...

My sister can't seem to understand that without my mom travelling to far places for work, she wouldn't have survived. It was my mom all along that support my sister and I. It was my mom who actually helped her with her car. It was my mom, who is struggling with really bad rheumatoid artritis, that kept this family alive. It was my mom who has been there for my sister and Iever since we were young. My father? No where to be found!

Interesting morning...don't you say?

2003-04-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

gebus...

it's been a while since I used this journal...it's usually the same reason: school, work and PCN.

I actually been so active with school and outside of school. PCN for some reason has taken up most of my time....I need to figure out a way to balance everything including my practice sessions. This years PCN seems very different, I can't point it out...but I know that it's DIFFERENT. I think it's the people and the atmosphere....may be it's the VIBE.

PCN...what to do?
This year I've decided to lay low and not take too many dances at once. I decided to stick with two dances and the acting. I have a specific role that I am playing in the skit and hopefully it will turn out okay....I can't wait to shock some people with the character that I've got in the play...the role seems degrading and it's going to affect how people are going to view me. HAH HAH!

The venue for PCN this year is located at Riordan High in Frisko...the date is May 17th (freaking week before finals!) I hope can find ways of studying and doing PCN at the same time...REALLY WORRIED!

School...I don't know what to do...SOOOOOOO BEHIND with CLASSES this semester...I haven't been focusing for some strange reason for the past semesters I have managed to be on top of the schedule. Sometimes, I have been ahead of the schedule!

Papers and quizzes every single week just plain sucks ass! I can't stand that I have to read and read and read...then write 10 to 15 pages worth of papers each time. UGHHHH!

Other than the homework and other things...school seems BLAH this semester...

Wonderful world of AEO...

American Eagle Outfitters friends and family is coming up...so many coupons to give out and yet I have noone to give to...ah here's a thought...pass it around school...may be these poor starving broke ass students need a 20 percent off discount...DOES ANYONE need a coupon? cause I have lots...

There's too many kewl ass shit that I need to buy at work but I am sooooooo broke that I just wait for the BIG Sales that we have...those discounts are sooooo dope!

NEW NEW NEW NEW

Reading: NO NO BOY
Watching: the first season of SIX FEET UNDER and the second season of QAF
Listening: Lil Kim, Sean Paul, Justin Timberlake, and Common

I need to finish the camera that I have use during the trip to San Diego and Tijuana....some of the pictures there are valuable cause i took artistic pictures...I need to figure out how to finish the film...

GO TO GO!

2003-03-19T08:35:00.000-08:00

A couple weeks later....

Within the past couple of weeks this is what has happened...

Didn't make it for Cha-Cha or Modern for PCN....I'm not that suprised!
Practicing for 3 cultural dances
Practicing for the Miss Lil' Philippines Pageant Skit
Inbetween insert: homework, working, sleeping, eating, and driving

Went for a weekend get away for Jimmy's birthday: San Diego and Tijuana

To do list:

Pick up pictures from the SD and TJ trip
Read 1000 pieces of gold
Start writing Mass Media essay
Call ATT to fix my phone

Let's see how many I can finish before the day ends....hopefully 3 of them!

What's new:

Finished Reading Letters to Montgomery Clift by Noel Alumit for the second time
Reading: Rice
Listening: India Arie, Busta Rhymes, Tamia, and Christina Aguillera
Watching: Six Feet Under box set and QAF Season 2

I'll tell you about the weekend get away later, all I know is that the title of the trip is EXXXXXtra Viscious! (inside joke)

2003-03-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

I forgot that today is the day that I will find out if I made it for Cha-Cha and for any parts of the play....
I hope that I get any parts for the skits for the upcoming SFSU's PCN. As for Cha-Cha, if I make it in I have no idea what I am going to do cause I thought I did okay on the tryouts. Let's just cross our fingers, okay?!

2003-03-03T09:28:00.000-08:00

Good Ol' Monday Morning

Things needed to be done:

Go to the bank for my mother and drop off her check
Call work if checks came in...if yes, go to work and pick check
Buy the items I put on hold
Go to bank and drop off check
Head for Starbeezles
Study and read for Mass Media class
Read 1000 pieces of gold
Go to Dance Mission with James

I have soooo many things that I have to do today....my main goal is to study and read the necessary articles for my Mass Media quiz tomorrow. I

Past Weekend of Chillaxin'

The past weekend (which was yesterday and Saturday), I decided to stay home and chill. I was suppose to go to a get together in the city, but I was doing homework and fell asleep. I woke up Sunday morning and I was soooo confused as to what had hapened on Saturday night. I woke up with the computer on and marks on my face. DAMN keyboard! UGH! So, it's Sunday morning...no one was home cause everyone went to work. I decided to make breakfast of pancakes! YUM! After breakfast, I went back to finish up on my homework. I had work at 2PM and got home at 7:30PM. I gave Michelle a call and wanted to know what she was doing. She wasn't doing anything and invited me to come over. I told her that I would come over after the Simpsons. I stayed at Michelle's house for a lil' bit andate he food...LOL! She offered, hah hah and you know that food wll never turn its back on you! Got home at 10:30ish and went to bed. Actually, I was talking to someone on the phone and we talked for a good 50 mins...:: BIG SMILE ::

Go to get going and get ready for my day of travels...

2003-02-25T21:45:00.000-08:00

Long Day but it was worth every single minute and hour.

I enjoyed my day today because I actually practice for one of the cultural dances that I am planning to be in for PCN. Tomorrow night, I am going to try out for the Cha-Cha.

One of my classes was cancelled today and I don't know why. For some reason the professor for this class is struggling on how to teach th class and that she's not on track with the syllabus that she gave us. We had a paper due two weeks ago and she supposedly sent the necessary steps on what she wants on the paper, but she hasn't sent it. Noone actually knows what's going on in the class. She's given us so many readings and she hasn't ven discussed any of the readings. I talked to a few students in the cass and everyone that I talked to said that she is a very disorganized person. I really don't know what to say, but I agree with the people that I talked to.

Had my lunch at the quad and then moved infront of the Psychology building. I needed some quiet time to read cause it was noisy at the quad. I read some of the articles for my Asia Americans mass media class. Audrey called me and wanted to be walked to the Humanities building. I took her and once again I sat at this quiet place. I watched the people pass by and let me tell you...Cell phones gallore! Everyone was on their cell phone. I remember this one guy..he was talking so loud that everyone could hear his conversation. Talk about telling everyone his business. I wanted to say SHUT THE HELL UP! Everyone was getting annoyed by the guy...Keep your conversations to yourself.

I had to leave cause I realized that I had practice for one of the dances. I went to the PACE office and met I new person. I forgot her name. We had a great conversation. She is half Filipino and half Puerto Rican. We both had practice for the same dance. She did really well for just the first day of practice cause she got the dance down. Practice didn't end til 5PM and I missed the first hour of class. It's my Asian American Mass Media class. A three hour class cause it only meets for a day.

Class ended early. We just reviewed for the midterm next week. I got home and took a shower....here I am now Updatin this page.

Tomorrow, I will have to let everyone know how I did with Cha Cha. It's another long day tomorrow cause I have papers to do, pages to read, and some studying.

Great Evening!

2003-02-24T09:23:00.000-08:00

Morning....

Didn't sleep til' 3 AM an now I'm already up...I should be resting and just sleeping since I don't have any sessions today. I wanted to go to dance mission today, but can't go cause I have to work at 3PM to 8PM. I have to work on the bustforms. Dressing up those sexy ass mannequins just turns me on...LOL!

I need to finish up my homework....GAWSH, I really don't like my Individual Rights and the Constitution class. It's the hardest session that I have this semester and it takes up all my time. I have to read and anlyze the consitution andthe professor wants the depth when translating the constitution. Another is that I have to write case briefs and also attend court sessions. Too much work...and it's only one class.

I have another semester left and then I can graduate. I didn't realize that I have one semester until I spoke to both my counselors. I have two cause I'm a double major student (Asian American and Political Science Majors). I am hoping with the grades that I have I can be one of the top students when I graduate.

Speaking of this semester, PCN (Pilipino Cultural Night) is coming up soon. Try outs for some of the dances (cultural, modern, and cha cha) and also for acting are this week. I really don't know if I am going to go all out this year cause last year I did. I acted, danced, and did some of the props. It was a lot, but it was worth it. This year I am trying out for acting, modern, and cha cha. I am really hoping that I make it for modern. I need to practice some of the routines that I learned when I was at dance mission.

Well I have to get going cause I need to finish some homework.

2003-02-21T10:18:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

Happy Friday :)

I got back home early this morning about 3 AM from the club. I woke up early in the morning cause I had to drive my lil' sister to school. I always do this every Friday. Every single time, I can't seem to go back to sleep and so I just stay up the rest of the day. Usually, the feeling of sleepiness doesn't hit me til mid day like around 2 or 3...take the power nap and then do some homework.

I heard that Jocelyn Enriquez was suppose to be at Stonestown today (Tower Records). She has a new album out, All My Life. I want to go and check her out and see how she looks and want to hear her latest CD. She hasn't been in the music scene for a long time, but her songs are still being played in the radio. One of the very few Asians (Filipina to be exact) that made an impact in the music industry.

I have noticed that Asians have been struggling in the music industry. Infact, many of the minorities have struggled to be included in the main stream music industry. What are the causes for minorities to struggle in main stream music industry? I know for the fact that there are people out there that are fans. So, we as a community need to figure out ways to break through and make it into mainstream America. How do you feel?

2003-02-20T15:07:00.000-08:00

So it's Thursday and I am finally home....

I had to drop a class this semester cause I have to many things going on at once. First, I have 19 units this semester. I only go to Tuesday and Thursday classes. Tuesday is my full day and it starts at 8AM and doesn't end til 7PM. I have work and it's almost full time. Next, I have PCN to worry about because I would like to act and dance(both cultural, modern, and cha cha). Try out are next week and I am hoping that I can make atleast cha cha, but ultimately I am going to modern! Do the DAMN thang BOY! Lastly, I have my internship. GEBUS, sooooo many things at once. Some how I always manage to balance everything out at the end and I am very lucky that I usually don't end up in some sort of nervous break down....

Going out tonight and practice some of the dance move that I learn from yesterday's dance class

DANCE IS THE MISSION

I wasn't fully aware that certain hiphop classes were being held in the mission district. I learned and heard it from my buddy-o-pal of mine. James told me about these classes and so yesterday I decided to join him. I really enjoyed the beginning and the advance classes. Since I am a beginner and have never taken any classes, I felt so out of place. People around me knew the routine and was dancing their asses off including James. Mr. I know how to dance but I pretend that I don't know how so that my friend will not be angry at me! Hmmmph! That's okay cause I know that James is super duper dope and he got gigs! The boy can move EEEEREYTHING! So I watch myself and made sure not to make myself look foolish. I actually got most of the moves down. I was impressed with myself. PROPS! As for the advance, I was so terrified cause I seriously could not get some of the moves down. I was getting irritated but I never give up that easily.

After the Dance Mission, James and I talked about coming back ad taking more classes cause we both are eager to learn dance moves and show them off...LOL! We both are coming back on Monday...hopefully I will see some of you guys there!

Taking off to take a power nap...

2003-02-13T13:30:00.000-08:00

It's one day away from Valentine's Day...what are your plans?

I don't have anything planned cause my valentine is in Hawaii. Busy with work and it's serious business. I have been talking to this person for awhile and I am hoping that we've established something and if not then let it just flow like the rivers that go through this country. My friends are throwing a party and I don't know if should go cause I would like to have some time alone and reflect on a lot of things in my life. I would also like some quiet time and talk to this person.

Note: In resopnse to this person's privacy and my respect for this person, I am not going to reveal this person's name.

I talked to this person last night and we had a great conversation. Talked about certain trips that we are both planning to take in the future. I talked about a certain book that I would like to get and hopefully this person gets the hint that I would like for this person to get for me. LOL! I know such a mooocher!

Have you ever heard of a book called: Letters To Montgomery Clift by Alumit. I recently heard about from a friend and he happened to mention this book and I was very interested in reading this book because I did a little bit of research and the book is very interesting. If you would like to know more about this book, then CLICK HERE.

Hopefully, someone out there feels the book that I mentioned.

GTG....later!

2003-02-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

I was sittin at home and bored once again. I should be reading and doing homework, but I refuse to do homework! Instead, I use my time to go online and chat with friends, create another online journal: Mind Trip, and take funy ass quizzes.

I took a recent quiz and this is what my results was:

Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

GAY BEAR...gosh how dsfunctional Am I? Don't answer that!

2003-02-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

SFSU, StonesTown, and DownTown San Francisco Trip Yesterday

I went to downtown to return a few purchases that I shouldn't have done. I returned a jacket from FCUK and a couple of shirts at UrbanOutFitters.

Before downtown, I took a small trip to Stonestown because I also had to return a two books that was suppose to be a present for someone, but things did not seem to work between that person and I. I returned the books thinking that I would cash back. Instead, I recieved stroe credit even though I paid in check. The situation was that the books must be returned within 30 days and you can get cash back, but I did not return the books within the set time period. I waited almost two months to return the books. In return, I bought two CDs. ZWAN and The Streets. Two rawking CDs! I thought that the coming back of Billy Corgan is fawking awesome. The voice of Corgan while driving home gave me a soothing and relaxing feeling. The feeling that was great until I suddenly hit the mid day commuter get the fuck out of my way you stank ass bitch of a traffic. UGH! Instead of troubling myself with the stress, I blasted the sounds of Zwan in my car and rolled thw windows down so that everyone around me can hear such a wonderful voice. I miss The Smashing Pumpkins!

Okay, back to the beginning of the story....I decided to park my car in Stonestown because I did not want to pay for parking at school. Instead of wasting 5 bucks, I used it buy pizza and pay for my muni ticket. I first went to FCUK because I had to get rid of such an expensive jacket. I was feeling very guilty for purchasing a dope jacket that cost a bit too much. I paid in check and the girl that was helping me did not have any clue how to return my jacket. She kept calling the manager to come up and help her with the return. I felt bad for the poor girl, who I think is very new to the store cause I don't recall seeing her at all during the times that I went in to look at the clothes. The manager told me that I was going to receive a check in the mail since I paid in check. BUMMER! I was hoping to receive cash cause most of the stores give cash back when one has paid in check. Interesting that the manager could not look me in the eye while he was telling me this sad news. After FCUK, I went to UrbanOutfitters. I return this vintage shirt that i bought a while back because I can't seem to find anything to wear with it. I left Urban with two shirts and they were both dope ass shirts. One was brown that said "Sho Nuff" and the other was an army green colored shirt with a orange colored headphones pix. I wish I had a camera to take those pix. The whole time I was downtown, I was feeling in a rush because I had to go back to school before 2PM and have enough time to go back home without hitting the traffic. Instead, I came back to school around 3. I rushed out thinking that I would not catch the traffic, but I did.

Well its time for me to get going cause I have class soon....

2003-01-14T18:09:00.000-08:00

Welcome back....

I haven't had the time to update this page once again. I don't ever take the time to update any of my pages. Damn! I guess I am just really lazy or i really don't have the time at all.

I recently took a trip to LA with a whole bunch of folks (Vallejo and San Jose). I got back late Sunday night from the trip and eversince I got back I got sick. VERY ILL! I didn't get any sleep at all cause all they did was party, drink, and smoke (not cigs!). Tha whole entire weekend I must have gotten 8 hours of sleep.

GOING TO LA LA LAND....
Chellebrity and I left the Vee about 2 ish cause we had to stop by to check up on her mom (she recently had surgery). Before I met up with Chellebrity, I had to run to the mall and make the necessary last purchases for the trip. I ended up buying oe than I needed. I bought an Abercrombie fit and of course American Eagle (since I work for this company). Afterwards, I rushed out the mall and went to Raley's to buy some flowers and a nice "get well soon" card for Chellebrity's mom. I called her on my way to her house but she was still asleep, I couldn't understand how she could still be asleep when we only have a few hours left before we head to San Jose to meet with the rest of the folks. I knocked on the door and she opened the door still asleep and immediately went back to her room to get some more sleep. I talked to her and made sure that she was awake. I told her to get up cause she has to take a shower, pack her clothes, and visit her mom at the hospital. I couldn't say anythng else so told her that I had to run as cause I haven't packed for the trip. As soon as I got home, I grabbed the bags and hoped that my mom wouldn't see the clothes that I bought myself. I have way tooooooo many fits and that my room is so packed with clothes that there are no other places to put them. I packed my clothes carefully making sure that there are 4 fits (friday night, saturday morning, saturday night, and sunday morning) and shoes as well to go with the fits. I had to bring a big ass bag and a backpack cause of all the things that I had to bring for the trip. Once I finished packing, I called Chellebrity and made sure she was up, packed, and ready to go. She told me that she was almost all set and that all she needed to do was take a shower. I told her to hurry her ass up cause we are running a bit late and plus the person who was suppose to drive us to San Jose was late as well. After 20 mins, Chellebrity called me and said that Bagel and her are going to head to the hospital cause we are running late. So I had to wait again. A few minutes later, Bagel called me and said that he was going to pick me up so that we won't have to waste anymore time. I was soooooo glad that he did cause I was feelin very anxious and couldn't stay still. The time was past 1 already and we had to be at San Jose before 3 PM. I decided to wait for Bagel outside cause it would be faster. As soon as I was about to head out, I hear a car and knew that it was Bagel. I spoke to my mom and we both said our "Byes". She reminded me over and over that I should be careful and that I should do any drugs, drinking, or anything else that could possibly harm my ass.

To be continued....

2003-01-03T17:17:00.000-08:00

About Last Night...

The club stirred echoes of laughter
The music was pumping heavily sedated beats
Beats that controlled your body, mind, and soul
Loss of the senses due to the intoxicating liquids
Bodies pressed together in a small room
Cliques staying in one certain area of the club
Same sexes dancing together
Opposite sexe dancing together
Hips and asses shaking
Checking everyone
Eyes searching for the right one
Checking everyone
Questions are raised: who's that? what's his name?

Check out my friend's homepage: PhreakyBetch...just advertising it for him...

2003-01-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

Current Status:

In the ears: LLCoolJ and JayZ
In the eyes: Lord of the Rings version 1 and 2
In the mind: The Hobbit and Eye of the Fish
Through the emotions: Happy, but tired...

Alright Alright Alight....my apologies for those people who kept writing me emails and asking me to update my page...I haven't had the time (yeah right! LOL)...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! [what's your resolution?]

I haven't been able to do anything since I have been trying to get my life and everything else organized cause that's one of the three resolutions that I plan on committing this year.

Three resolutions: 1) Lose 30 more lbs. 2) Stop Stoging 3) Get Organized

These three are the most important decisions in my life because I know it will affect me greatly. So far it's been good cause I am actually sticking to the plan. I haven't really stopped smoking like cold turkey...gradually I am slowly stoging like one or two cigs every other day....it's very hard to stop this bad habbit...but hopefully one day will come when I don't want to stoge ever again. As for losing the weight, I have been exercising (playing tennis and jogging)...I stopped drinking soda and water is the only drink for me...eating healthier as well. No fast food at all...just healthy food...I have been sticking to the plan and hopefully it's working. My other friend Celly-Chelle and I made this vow on New Years and I know that we both can commit to whatever we say. We both have strength, power and our motivation is each other.

Today...

I woke up pretty early today (around 9AM), even though I went to sleep late (around 4 AM) cause I had to drive my relatives to work. After dropping them off, I decided to go back home an cath more Zzzzz cause I felt the tiredness enveloping my body. I woke up around 12 ish before my mom arrived to take her lunch break and head to her second job. As soon as I woke up, I could hear he laughter and the happy melodic voices of my sister, my cuzzo, and her friend in the kitchen cooking for lunch. I washed my face and brushed my teeth and slowly crept in the kitchen. The music blasting to the beats of JayZ and carefully switching to the booty shaking beats of BirdMan and P.Diddy....what more can I ask for! Just waking up to the sounds of my favorties songs...LOL! As for the rest of the day, I have been chillen. I called Celly-Chelle if she wanted to go to the mall cause I need to pick up my paycheck. She agreed and now I am sitting here, chatting online, updating my page, and waiting for her phone call....hopefully she will call soon.

Next week is the long awaited trip to go to LA and wreak havoc downsouth...can't wait!

2002-11-20T14:11:00.000-08:00

I was looking at other people's websites via BLOGGER and I found a link . You need to check out it cause it's hella funny.

Class started already and I am being very bad cause I am still contimplating whether or not I should go. But thinking about it, I think I am going. I'm just going to check it out and see what's up...

BTW, I chose to write a poem (If You Want To Know...) and I am going to recite it on Friday...

GTG...I'm late like five minutes already!!!

2002-11-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

Whoa...check this out. Has anyone seen this show? The cast members are full of talents.

2002-11-19T15:59:00.000-08:00

If You Want To Know

If you want to know I am Pilipino with a “P”, not an “F”.
If you want to know I am Pinoy.
If you want to know my mother is Waray and my father is Ilocano.
If you want to know I am proud of my brown skin.
If you want to know I am from the “Pearl Of The Orient”.
If you want to know I am an old immigrant.
If you want to know I am a new citizen.
If you want to know I am a FOB.
If you want to know I speak English without an accent.
If you want to know it’s simple just ask me.

I wrote the following because i wanted to answer some of the questions that most people are inquiring about me. Some people don't really know who I am. People tend to talk about the person, but they don't know the whole entire story. Do not assume because it only creates problems. If a person wants to know, do not talk about the person as if you have known them and know about them from a second source. If you want to know....it is very simple just ask me because I will give you an answer.

Rolling The R's

I just recently finished reading Rolling the R's and I did not what to make of the book. I like some of stories in the book and was a bit lost with the language they were speaking. They were using pidgin language. So here's the dilemma: I am suppose to write a skit, but I can't seem to come up with any ideas that I can relate the skit iwth the story of the book. Has anyone read the book? If so, let me know cause I sure would like some help with the creation of the skit.

2002-11-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

For the next three weeks, I will be one insane and crazy ass fool. I am going to be very busy with school. Since everything is due a week before and a week after Thanksgiving break. I realized that I have been lagging this semester really bad. I haven't been on top of things like I usually am. Last semester I was very much on top and making sure that everything was set and done. This time, I haven't even started on my papers. One paper is due next week (compare and contrast two books written by an Asian American author). Along with the paper (same class), I have to memorize and recite a piece. I don't have time to memorize anything because I am busy with my other classes, especially my F/Pilipino Lit class. The other paper is for my Chinese In America class and I was suppose to do some research and write a paper on whatever tope I choose to do. I have my topic:Chinese American or Chinese soldiers during World War II. I have to research what they did, who were the Chinese and Chinese American soldiers and so on...After that paper is due, I also have another paper due for my Vietnamese In America class. This paper is a group paper, but we haven't really made much progress. I hoping that I can pull myself together and have the motivation that I once had and use all my energy to work on my papers and projects. This semester I haven't been feeling school. I would rather work and then go home and rest. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I am very tired. I don't really know if my seasonal change disorder is kicking my ass or I am just not motivated at all. It seems as if I didn't even care about school. Also, the fact that I have gone through so much this year (Long Story). It's very hard for me to concentrate. Stress is going to kill me!

Sound In The Midst Of Silence Pt. 2

The music of my words
Penetrate your ears
But you can not hear
what I am saying
Sound created by a force
uniquely combines with a source
of silence
An image is create
but the vision is blurry
nothing to see
Lost in the harmonies
of sound
never knowing the
truth
Blame only one person
YOU

Later!

2002-11-15T10:56:00.000-08:00

Post Modern Sleeze

Do you remember the group, Sneaker Pimps, well I came across the CD in my big collection and I started listening to it. I remember how obsessed I was with the singer of the band, I think her name was Keli. I don't exactly remember her name, but when the video came out for 6 underground. I recorded it and watched it every single time I had the chance. SCARY HUH!? What is a post modern sleeze? It's one of their songs. I don't recall any of the words to the song. Lately, my sister and I have been listening to the CD....

Recently I came across a tiny article on Stephen Jenkins from the band ThirdEyeBlind. Do you remember any of the songs they they sang or performed? Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...I'm pack and I'm holding...I'm smiling..she lives for me...or something like that. Well, she is going out with this one singer and her name is Vanessa Carlton. I think she's the solo singer that plays the piano....Yes, I know! Stephen Jenkins use to go out with Charlize Theron, but they've broken up since.

Talking about the past...makes me wonder how different I was back then! Evolution and so much change has occurred. Every day in my life is a living process. I am a student and everyone around me is a teacher. We all are learning something everything, whether you have noticed it or not.

Peace out my homies! Have to finish typing up my two page paper, which I haven't even started...Oh well!

2002-11-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

TinShan sent me a test yesterday and it is suppose to determie how black I am...

If you want to know then here's my results:

How BLACK are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

Hopefully, mah ghetto blackness test results will clarify any questions on how ghetto I am...LOL

2002-11-10T22:47:00.000-08:00

If you want to know....

If you want to know who I am, then ask...
If you want to know why I am here because I want to be here with youI
If you want to know what I do, I do it because of you
If you want to know when I love you, it was always and forever
If you want to know where the love is, it's in my heart
If you want to know how I love, then take my hand...

I had a feeling of lost love ever since I noticed that you were gone. I had you and will always have you. You and I were once connected with the mutual feeling of love, but then everthing escapes within our grasp.

I wrote this without the intention of thinking of my past, my present, and my future state of mind.

Silence...

Kills. Senses. Quiet. Still. Nothing. Thoughts. Random. Thinking. Processing. Awkward. Shhhh. Don't Say Anything. Beautiful. Lovely. Someone is there. Can't Hear. Music to my ears. Peaceful. Hurts. Ticking Away. Memories. Laughter. Breathing. Movements. Listening. Concentration. Reading.Sighing. Reflection. Cruel.

2002-11-08T10:39:00.000-08:00

Once again it's Friday and I am sooooo upset. I can't believe how bad the traffic was. It was sooooooo bad that I had to sit there for four hours to get to school. I don't think I would like to ever experience that ever again in my life. I left the house at 6:15 AM and got to school at 10 AM. FUCK!

I thought that traffic wasn't going to be that bad....guess what! IT FAWKING SUCKS ASS! People, traffic, and bad weather don't mix! I don't understand how people can be sooooo stupid speeding and cutting people when it's raining out there. That's how fawking accidents happen! SHIT! Sorry, I just really need to vent and this is one of the many ways I am able to.

So I was sitting there and this red corvette was speeding and I couldn't believe that he was trying to weave through the unbelievable traffic. I was thinking "Hell, this person is going to get into an accident!" and you know this person did. Why are people like that still living in this crazy, mad, and hectic world. I don't know what was going through this person's mind when he was doing such a fawking stupid action. ARRRGH! It makes me was to beat and kick this person's ass. Oh yeah, here's another one! The person was trying to cut people in the toll plaza because she (it was a lady because I saw and she cut in front of me) wanted to get from one end all the way to the other end. STUPID! Luckily, she avoided an accident and if she did get into an accident...ALL HELL IS GOING TO BREAK LOOSE!

Other than that my day so far isn't all that great. I am hoping that tonight will be a good night cause I am going to the SPAM show . Well if anyone gets a chance to go to the show tonight or hasn't heard what SPAM is about, then come on down and watch the great show full of Filipino local artist filled with talent. Some of the group that are performing: Chain Reaction, Mango Kingz, SX4 and lots more. I invited a few people already and some are coming from San Jose. I hope these people pull through. If anyone out there is interested...it's at San Francisco State. Doors open at 5PM and show starts at 6PM. Tickets are being sold at the door at the price of $10. I think SPAM is a benefit show, but I don't know who's benefitting.

Today, I am suppose to meet Michelle and Jerwyn at school around 12ish because they are coming to wathc the show. I hope that they don't go through the HELL that I have been through. I hope they make it!

Well, I have to get going now and hopefully I will see some of you folks at the SPAM show tonight!

2002-10-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

So its Friday and I have nothing to do but wait here in the computer lab for this political meeting downtown (SF) . I don't understand why they have to have the meeting downtown on a Friday. Other people have better things to do like work or sleep or go to an event at Balboa High School. Since I am going to the meeting, I will be missing the showcase at Balboa High.

No one was at school today. Reasons: 1) It's Friday 2) No one really has classes on Friday 3) The weather here at school is gloomy.

It's so gloomy that my anti-depressant pills aren't working. GAWD, I feel depressed! The feeling is so bad that it is slowly consumming me. I can't help but feel wretched.

GEBUS, it's only 2 something and I have to meet up with my group at 4:30PM. What to do?! What to do?!

Giants...

The world series is about to start within a few days, counting today...
So, everyone is talking about it and I actually have been paying attention to the Giants game. I never really liked baseball. Not to offend anyone, but the game is rather slow. But once I watched the Giants games, I actually enjoyed it. Could this be? That I actually am starting to like the game of baseball? :)

Since I am going to school in SF and will soon move back here, I am cheering for the GIANTS...GO GIANTS!

FRIENDSHIP GAMES...

Next week is friendship games...Has anyone heard of it? I hope so...this year it will be held again at Cal State Fullerton. It's three days of fun. Actually, it's just one day of fun and we leave Friday and get back on Sunday. The games are held on Saturday. I don't know where I am going to park the car. I have no clue. I hope that I could find parking somewhere around the school cause I can't take BART. Unless I can find a ride to school and figure out a way to get back home on Sunday. I hope that I can meet up with someone there cause this person wants to know who I am.

BTW, there's an after party. It's going to be at THE HOUSE OF BLUES. DRINK, SWERVE, and GROOVE to three levels of fun fun fun!!!! I'm not sure if I should go, but I am thinking about it highly.

I spoke to one of my buddies online that goes to Davis and he made a plan for those people who wish to share their "identity" with other "family" members. Hint: Look for those who have a white rag on their backpockets and you will understand.

Date tonight?!

Secret #1 With who?
Secret #2 Where?
Secret #3 What are your plans?

I can't tell cause it's a secret, right?

I have to go and get a disk so I can save the pics that I've scanned....

2002-10-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

So I just wanted to make a quick note about the Giants game....the final and deciding game...

They beat the Braves 3 to 1, but I have to also give much props to the Braves....great job!

I have one thing to say...THEY FAWKING RAWKED MY SAWKS!!! I can't believe the last play with the double out....GREAT JOB!
Barry Bonds with his huge homerun in the 4th inning....well he had two runs out of the three runs they had. Yes, Bonds is one of the greatest players out there and they don't give him justice....

Anyways....YES I DO WATCH BASEBALL!

2002-10-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

Driving in my hometown and realizing that I have to do something important, I instead decided to get a haircut. I was promptly introduced to my haircut person or stylist...LOL!

She was very talkative and complimented me on my ear piercing...it's very funny how everyone like this piercing that I have on my cartilage...it's as barbell! I took the ompliment and sat there quietly minding my own business while she cut my hair. The supercuts lady was very inquisitive and asking me questions about my life, my school, and my love interests. I answered all her questions without hesitation. I didn't want to seem very rude.

So here are the questions that she asked:

How old are you?
Where are you from?
What school do you attend?
What do you want to do after school?
Why do you commute instead of living in San Francisco?
Why do you have the ring on your wedding finger?
Do you have a girlfriend?

While conversing with my hairstylist lady...she was actually trying to hit on me and was very close. I didn't want to be rude and say lady...you're nice and all, but I don't plan on swinging your way anytime soon...I wanted to say I swing the other way and that I'm already committed to someone...It's interesting how she didn't even ask if the haircut was fine or are there any adjustments that are needed to fix the cut. I just simply told her to make the adjustments and sat there answering her questions.

By the way, the haircut is great. I actually like it for once...someone cut my hair with what I've wanted. She listened and at the end I gave her a $4 tip.

As soon as I left the haircut place, I rushed home and got ready to go to school (SFSU) and I live in Vallejo. I have a very important place to go to because like I have said...I plan on teaching at Balboa High and today is the day when the group and I have to observe the students and the class environment. I have to meet my group at 1:30PM in front of the school. I only have a few minutes left and so I plan on bouncing soon. Actually, right now...

Enjoy your day and do that DAMN thang!

2002-10-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

What's today?!

Oh yeah, Wedensday...which means that this will be my longest day. In fact, today was suppose to end at 7PM because I have one night session class, but I have to meet up with a couple of PEP teachers because next week we will be teaching at Balboa High School. Check it out!

I won't be able to make it home until 10PM. Hold all my calls and take all my messages. Hopefully, someone important will call me cause someone had promised to call back but I guess someone was busy. You know who you are....Don't worry, I forgive you.

I was suppose to be typing up my paper, but I haven't had a chance because right now as of this moment...my professor is one seat away from me. When I entered the room, I didn't expect to him in the computer lab. ACK! I waved at him and thought...GEBUS GRIPES! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO BE SLICK AND HERE HE IS SITTING ONE SEAT AWAY FROM ME! I am praying that he isn't looking my way because in a few minutes I will be typing up my 2 page paper. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I will have to still type the homework that he has assigned.

Did you ever try cutting class and all of a sudden you pass by your professor at an earlier time and you're like "SHIT, I wasn't going to go to class today!" "I guess I may have to go to class now"....DAMN IT! Yeah, that happened to me a couple of time and yes I have cut my classes before in fact I am cutting a class right now because I was suppose to type up my homework.

Check you out later! Time to start with my paper....

2002-09-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

F is for FAWK ME!

I have the biggest tendency to forget things, especially important things. I just realized that my traffic school needs to be done on Sept. 20, 2002 before 4PM. I only have enough hours to complete this mission and hopefully my record will be cleared...so what to do...no sleep for me again tonight...STOP THE PROCRASTINATION!!!!

Sick Leave...

I almost made it all the way through school today. Thinking that I was going to go all the way even though I am very ill with a bad cold and practically coughing my lungs out, I did not make it! I waited til' 4PM to tell my professor, who was graciously kind enough to let me leave and take some rest, that I have to leave immediately. The whole entire time I was at school, I was sneezing and coughing. My nose was running like a faucet. I had to buy three packets of mini tissues to supplement my conditions. I wanted to buy meds but I know that I couldn't take the chance of dozing off in class...I just drank hot tea and stayed away from those smokers...LOL

I left and got home around 6PM. As soon as I got home, I change...made hot tea and cook chicken noodel soup ala can style....Sorry, I can't make it from scratch...not that talented enough...

The rest of the time...I was just chillen and relaxing...trying not to exert myself too much...but I did take a short nap. I needed that!!!

Time for me to go...CHECK YA LATER!!!

2002-09-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here in the computer lab because I woke up early enough to make it a my 9 AM class, but instead I missed it because of the commuter traffic and the accident that occurred in the bay bridge. I was hoping to miss atleast the first five minutes of class, but instead I missed 20 minutes of class. So, I decided to go to the computer lab instead and finish the homework that I was suppose to be doing last night.

Homework: What is literature? Using the reading on the book define the word 'literature'...

It's 9:57 AM according to the computer clock and I am going to start on the homework. I can't keep doing this to myself because in the end something will catch up or I will be left behind in chaos and misery. Stop this constant prcrastination and keep moving forward.

9/11
This is the one year anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001 acts of terrorism. How do you feel?

2002-09-10T12:27:00.000-07:00

I rush immediately thinking that I was going to be on time. But never the less the cause of this genetic disease called Filipino Time hits me. I am late for an hour and thirty minutes to meet with my group. Alas, out of breath and thinking what excuse I make...I just remained silent and listen to the comments that my other group members make. I have my lines and I am suppose to be the director of our five minute skit. They ask for any ideas, but some how I can't speak. May be there is not enough air that entering my mind at the moment. Fawking Cigarettes!

What a champion eats during his day!

Let me tell you that since I'm the champion this is my eating schedule: Cigarette for breakfast, Cigarette and Vanilla Coke for lunch, and for dinner I'm going to let you guess...that's right Cigarette for dinner. Hmmm...may this is the reason why I am losing the weight and feeling great! Yeah RIGHT! I am almost at that goal of being a twig!

Gangster Of Love...a song? a book? a skit? a play? Check it out for yourself and see what I'm talking about...

2002-09-09T22:47:00.000-07:00

Neglected Old Friend

I have been very busy with school lately and I haven't had much time to coverse and have some coffee with my good old friend Kristin. I haven't been such a great friend. Making promises that I can't even keep. Motherfawker. I intend to give her a call this week and tell her the good news that I will be moving a few blocks from her. She lives on Judah and I live on Pacheco. Close enough. Last time I talked to her, I told her that I would visit her work at the bar. But at the same time something important came up and I couldn't make it at her birthday bar get together. Only to realize that it's never too late to talk to a great friend like her. Much love and credit goes out to the friend that I have been neglecting for a long time.

One word to call myself. BITCH.

Sunday of Tennis

So I watched the men's tennis finals and I am glad to say that my ultimate tennis hero finally won. PETE SAMPRAS, you kick ass! It's been a long time now since he had his last title, exactly two years. But I'm sure he was very happy and satisfied with his performance at the U.S. Open. I sure was! I was having fits every time he would miss his hits. The greatest battle ever was played on Sunday and it was amazing!

Monday Night School

I am still here at the library waiting to for my other group member to come. We are suppose to be working on a 5 min skit, which is going to be presented in the class. But she is out eating a late dinner with a few friends of hers. I hope she makes it in time. But never mind, she just called me to say that she will text me the directions to the place where she is having her dinner. I have to get going. It's going to be a long night and we still haven't started on our group project which is due on Wednesday. ACK!

2002-09-08T04:15:00.000-07:00

Damn! It's been a long time since I have updated my page...some how I can't seem to have the time to update my page...

I decided to update my page because I was really excited that Serena Williams won the U.S. Open. That girl is so dope. She fawking rawks my sawks! If I was ony younger and I had the proper training I would be up there with the tennis champions, but I started very late...but I'm still good at tennis. I have been playing for about 6 yrs. and I know that there are still a lot of improvements.

School has started already and it's going to be the third week. I am not really that excited anymore...too much stress ( commute to the city, since I still live in the Vee, homework, reading, and so on). I am hoping that I can get my financial aid soon so that I can pay the deposit for me to move in my friend's apt/house. Time to take a trip to IKEA and have a furniture fest.

IKEA fest...

I would need the following:

bed
side table
lamp
sheets
single seat couch ( I don't really know the name )
desk
2 starter sets: dinner ware and cooking ware

I hope that the cost isn't a lot!

BTW, CJC...1:38 AM, Sept. 8, 2002

2002-08-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

I just finished talking to Jimmy a few minutes ago. I miss him! I haven't seen Jimmy for a long time cause he's in Chicago and he is doing his thang there! I hope he had fun, but now he's coming back and I know there will be a big party soon. I haven't known Jimmy that long, but all I can say is that he's a great person and a great friend.

BTW, it's someone's birthday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICTOR! I hope that your day is great! I wish you greath health, lots of love, and more birthdays to come. HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICTOR! What's your wish?

I haven't seen the San Jo folks for a while, especially two of them: Raf and Henri. I chatted with Raf yesterday and there are plans for Victor's birthday. He said that they will have dinner tonight, but not really sure where. He'll give me a call today and see what's up. Raf and Henri, I miss you both...

BTW, I am mad at you Raf for buying that Diesel watch and shoes...Ooooh I am mad at you! Henri, you need to kick his ass for buying that watch...shoot!! That's okay Raf cause you be working it out!

Michelle, I miss you! I can't believe you moved to Sac! You better come home and visit, ho! I talked to her last night as well and I know this girl has her head on her shoulders cause she is doing her thang there as well. WORK IT OUT! That girl means so much to me and I don't know what I would do if we lose contact or lose each other. I would just DIE! She is just my sunshine in those days when life is covered with gray clouds...

Sonny, YOU BETTER GET WELL! GO TO THE DOCTOR! Oh, get some rest, lots of liquids, and chicken noodle soup will help as well. GET BETTER!

Man, everyone is moving away or I haven't seen them for a long time. I guess we all are doing are thangs!

2002-07-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Current Information

Reading: The Bone Setter's Daughter by Amy Tan and When Elephants Dance by Teresa Holte

Listening: The soulful sounds of Cherokee, D'Angelo, Musiq, Eryka Badu with the collaborations of gospel hyms by Michelle of D. Child and Lauryn Hill...

Traveling: Reno in 2 weeks perhaps

Seeing Is Believing

I couldn't believe that the statement: "Seeing Is Believing" is so true. Seeing everything that you don't want to see can create this disturbance in the mind. Every where I go, I end up seeing things, actions or what nots that I don't ever want to see. Just recently questioning the doubts in my mind about a certain someone, but I realized that I should just back away and let this person do the damage or hurt that he is bound to end up with. I have tried several times to help this person, but this person does not seem to mind that he will end up hurt. As a good friend, I gave him many of my advices, but this time I am not going to say anything. Instead, I plan to watch the whole situation crumble to pieces or end up in a perfect situation that my friend wants to have. But my friend already admits the future of the situation and he states that he is ready for what is coming. Do you think that I am wrong for backing away? Should make sure that my friend doesn't end up hurt? What should I do? Hmmmm..THINK!

2002-06-06T02:53:00.000-07:00

Current InformationM

Reading: Gangster Of Love by Jessica Hagedorn and When Elephants Dance by Teresa Holte (both are Filipina authors).
Watching: Independent Film Channel, Sundance Channel, The French Open, Six Feet Under, and Re-runs of Friends
Hobby: Writing on my journal....mostly poetry on what's on my mind and surroundings
Going: I might be going to the Philippines for the whole summer, but it is tentative. If it doesn't work out then I am going to work and go to summer school, but I am taking one class...TENNIS

BIRTHDAY ON JUNE 2ND

So 4 days have past and my birthday was on June 2nd, I don't really feel anything except I know that I'm 23. I feel old, but at the same time old to me means...being a mature young adult.

The day started out really slow on my birthday, but it ended with a bang cause I got to hang out with Audrey and Anton. Thanks you guys! I went to Sno Drift in the end of the night and that night these people came up to me and greeted me "Happy Birthday"...total strangers and I don't even know them...they were all kewl ass peoples.

BTW, for those folks who emailed me and wished me a happy birthday, THANKS A MILLION!!!!

The day after my birthday is when the party actually started...my very kewl ass friend, Michelle or Chellebrity took me out for my birthday. She and I decided to eat at Red Lobster and let me tell you...the server is soooooo hot! I don't really know why, but I am very much attracted to African American girls..she was so friendly and sweet. She sang to me :) Awwwe! I gave her a big tip at the end and I wanted to ask her out, but I was scared and I didn't know if she would have said YES...but it my fault cause I didn't take that chance...FAWK!

Hmmm...may be I will come and visit her again...I let you know what happens...

That night, there was a 'tel party and it was crackalackin' I couldn't believe all these peoples pulled through...I didn't know about cause it was a surprise birthday party....YAY! I was sooo fawking great even though I didn't drink cause I am allergic to alcohol. I tell you another time...just let you know I get hives and it itches like crazy fawk!

Inside Joke: my broke neck, my aching back, my wet pussy, and stank crack...douche it now, douche it good, douche this pussy like you should.....Oh I am mad at YOU!

SupaFly JC

2002-05-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

Check it out...it's the end of the semester and I have one final left. This final is going to be three hours long...Have you guys heard of AAS 355? I you haven't and are going to school at SFSU...then I suggest taking this class highly because it's going to blow your mind away. It's a great class with great people and you will feel how connected you are with each individual in the class. I would like to THANK everyone in Isang Pamilya because you guys are truly ISANG PAMILYA. I have so much love for each individual person. You guys have affected my life and I will never forget this semester. THANK YOU once again...and I will see you guys around next semester.

BTW, this is going to be the GREATEST SUMMER EVER!!!

What are your plans? I'll tell you guys later...

PEACE, LOVE, and WEED (inside joke)...

SUPADUPAFLY...

2002-04-26T16:55:00.000-07:00

Now that PCN is over, I should be able to come to my regular scheduling. But it's moving soooooo slowly! I can't help but think about the great times that I've had during the making of PCN. I told myself that I should be able to work out the rest of this semester smoothly. So far it's not working out. FAWK!

Last night was the first night this semester that I acutally pulled an all-niter. I could not believe how much time and effort I had to put in creating a research paper that was due the following day. The fucked up thing about it...was that I never had a chance to give the paper to my teacher and thus I am freaking out. I don't really know what to do because the teacher doesn't have an email address in which I can write my heart out and explain the circumstances that had happened.

Here's the story:
I was typng my paper and I was done at 10:30ish AM. I saved my work and thought that I was going to print it by using my roommates printer. I didn't go to the school library because I have a different program. Most of the computers on campus use Microsoft Word, but my computer using MIcrosoft Works...see the difference? The only other person that I know that has this program is my roommate. But here's the catch, I saved all my work on a disk and I ask my roommate if I could print. Thinking that I was so slick, I placed my disk and tried to open the program, but it didn't open. I was in shocked and I felt the heavy and thick stress slowly creeping up my body. I wanted to SCREAM! I didn't know where to turn and who to turn to. I wanted to cry. I told myself to calm down and go to the classroom and talk to the professor. But at this time the class had only a few minutes left. I had to run my ass to the classroom, but noone was there. I felt lonely. I felt that the world was going to end. You know the basic drama shit..so the only option was to call my professor and explain to him that I had trouble printing out my work. I really don't know if he's going to believe me. I hope he does....here's another catch: the person who does not turn in the paper will have one grade drop and I can't afford that. So kids, what should I do? I have no idea....any ideas?

I have to run now and smoke a pack cigarettes inorder to calm myself down....

2002-04-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

beautiful brown skin
chained by domination
pressed by the shackles of
hate and segregation

beautiful brown skin
in the land filled with green
scenes
only to be seen by the leaders
of this nation

beautiful brown skin
covered with dust and dirt
voices heard of songs of pain and suffering
sweating under the sun
heated by injustices of this nation

beautiful brown skin
picking the vegetables and fruits that you eat
working for 5 cents or less per day
starting at 5 AM and ending at 5 PM

beautiful brown skin
more like black, blue, and red
covered with bruises
lashed, whipped
verbal abuses by the leaders of the fields

beautiful brown skin oppressed
degraded and pictured as kids
waiting to be taught a lesson
being a called "NIGGERS"
because of my beautiful brown skin

beautiful brown skin
thoughts of freedom coming to the mind
but the questions is
are we ever going to be free
in this land of milk and honey?

beautiful brown skin
rising and fighting back
we are educated and know what is going on
have a connection of language to aid
my people of beautiful brown skin

beautiful brown skin
look at me, am I and my people a threat
to your existence in this overgrown nation?

2002-02-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

two weeks later...I have added another update

School School School....

School has been very demanding this semester....

I have been a very busy student, here's why:

I joined P.A.C.E and decided to intern this semester and hopefully more semesters to come..
I decided to take part of P.C.N because I want that glittering starlight flash infront of me...I never experienced fifteen mins of fame and thus this is the easiest way for me to become somewhat known in that world...
My classes require weekend work and a lot of group participation and discussion...

I was trying to update my page several times but some how it manages to say that I wasn't logged in...I don't understand how could that have happened....perhaps there is a simple reason...for me to update this page as of I speak...

I just wanted to tell you guys that the movie Queen Of The Damned is a great movie because Aaliyah is in it...yeah, the storyline is pretty lame (that's the honet truth!) but it's worth seeing because Aaliyah is one Sexy, Hot, and Tantalizing woman. I love her movements inthe movie...I can see her abs work as she walks around...Her beauty mystifies and awe-strucks me...seriously! I watched it with a couple friends of mine...Jasmin and Michelle...All three of us got in for free and we got food for free as well...I think seriously the best ways to get free stuff is to have connections...

Today, I have to figure out what the group needs to do for the O.S.C.A.R.S because we have to perform this Friday...I think it has come down to doing the Destiny's Child song "Say My Name" because it's the easiest and we can learn that in one day...the movements are simple (just posses) and there a little bit of dancing....after that I am hoping that we can do some type of N'Sync song...I don't know yet which kind but yeah...

@ night, I have to study for my Asian American Ideal and Institutions class because I have a test tomorrow...

But for now, I have to get going because I have to meet up with some friends...

2002-02-13T00:37:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I have last updated my page.
I have been very busy with my schedule and even though I am not working this semester. I haven't been able to have the time to atleast update my page.

Sorry to all those who have been waiting patiently on the next update.

Psychology and behaviors of Filipinos
This class is a great class. I have been learning more about the behaviors and antics of my fellow Filipinos and peers. I know this class will enlighten my knowledge about Filipinos and the teacher is not just an excellent teacher, but he is a very powerful person. He is knowledgeable! I suggest that people should take this class.

"This class is going to kick my ass, I need your help to pass!"

One day left before Valentine's Day..What are your plans? I haven't made any plans, yet! But I am hoping that I will be doing something that day or even at night. I am not really sure what I am going to do, but I am hoping that someone will be involved in this special day. Since, it is only one day of celebration, I have decided that I should spend it with one person whom I really have connections with. Who? I have no idea.

To some people, it is a day that they have dreaded the most because that person is either single and/or broken-hearted. I am sorry for those people who have hated this day. Don't worry I feel the same way cause I have been single for a very long time. It's hard being single and don't have that special someone to share with on a special day.

Let's get off this subject...

Filipino, kaba?

Recently, I have been mistaken for other Asian races. I was walking downtown and was minding my business when some lady asked me if I was Chinese. I wasn't shocked or upset. I asked her why she asked me that question. Before she could reply, I was thinking may be because of my height and my eyes. She replied curteously, "Because of your eyes". I told her that I wasn't Chinese and that I was Filipino. She didn't believe me at first but I insisted that I was Filipino by talking to her in my native tongue. The funny thing about the situation was that the lady who asked me the question was a Filipina. Hmmmm...questions were raised in my head...????

BTW, Happy Birthday Jerwyn! Gawd, you are 20....so what do you want for your birfday?

Gotta Jet for now...

2002-01-29T00:29:00.000-08:00

WELCOME BACK!

I can't believe that the new school semester has started. I am so happy cause I know that I am going to take some exciting classes this semester. These are the following classes that I have:

Asian American Studies 200: History Of Asian Americans
Asian American Studies 205: Asian American + American Ideals and Institutions
Asian American Studies 355: Psychology and Behavior Of Pilipinos
Asian American Studies 680: Community Changes and Development
Political Science 416: Ethnicity and Nationalism

Since the following classes add up to 16 units, which is maximum I have no idea on what type of process I should do in order to add a Kinesiology class. I hope that it's very easy...

I think this semester will be a definite challenge whether I should continue on with the idea of having a double major, which are Political Science and Asian American Studies.

On Sunday night, I was suppose to get everything packed and set and ready to go. But instead, I ended up at the Bar on castro Street and stayed there until 1ish in the morning. I was suppose to leave my home in Vallejo by 11 and get to school by 12AM. Anyways, it was really fun cause I finally got to meet Mr. Benisano. He's a kewl guy...more than that he's really a great person, who has a great personality. I hope that we get to meet each other some more...What do you think, Mr. Benisano? I know I would....

But it was worth going because I wanted to see and meet Mr. Benisano. As soon as we were leaving, the rain started pouring and I couldn't believe it. Crazy shit! I decided to stay home and just leave really early for skewl. My plan was to leave at 5AM, but this didn't happen. I left my house around 6ish and made it at skewl around 8ish. I am just glad that my class doesn't start unitl 10AM.

Anyways, the first day was great..I got to see everyone that I wanted to see...and so far things are good. Got to remind myself to concentrate and keep focus.

Good night everyone...got class at 8AM tomorrow. YIKES!

2002-01-05T14:02:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how long it's been since I have updated my page. It was last year and now the new year has arrived.

NEW YEAR

Since the coming of the new year, I have made several decisions that I will focus on in my life. First of all, I need to gain my awareness. Meaning that I should understand what is going on with me, my surroundings, and the world. I am a political science major and ignorance will not bring the success that I need when I am majoring this course. I should be aware also with the choices that I make in my life, I mean it's not like I am not aware, but I should be more careful and really understand the depth meaning as to why I have chosen any of the future choices I will be making. My surroundings meaning friends, family, and community. These three affect my life because I know that I affect them as well. The world is in it's deep slumber, but suddenly awakened by the tragic incident in the U.S. on Sept. 11, 2001. What is going? The question is are we truly aware as to what the world is facing? What are the problems that are causing such a malignant disturbance? Causing deaths that will never be regained only to be solved by countless numbers and tears shed. How do we solved this big problem? Is the only way through war, violence, and more deaths? THINK ABOUT IT!

The new year has brought me to a question about relationships. I was talking to my friend last night and she gave me two important questions:
1) Do you WANT a relationship? Remember, it's WANT...
2) Are you READY for a relationship? Remember, it's READY...
Do you see the two differences being wanting and being ready?

For now, I have no answer because I have been thinking about it..yes, I do want a relationship, but will I be ready to for it? Also, should the question lie with the other person? It's not just me who is in the relationship, but also there's another person...want? or ready?

Friday's Dance Motion Sequence

The endless miles travelled just to see a group of hardworking people trying to out-do each other through a series of motionless movements with the rhythmic pulsating beats of musak is fawking awesome. Mystified on how well choreographed these dances, I was excited to see the show. I have never seen so many people in my life. IT WAS CALLED A "SHOWCASE"...dancing and cheering and watching...Each group performed different routines with different sets of musak...but only one conquered them all...who is it?

While there, I was suppose to meet up a friend, but I couldn't really find him cause there was a massive amount of people.

Where was this located: SJSU...
The showcase finished around 10ish...didn't leave SJSU around 11 and then headed out to eat for a very late dinner. ACK! I felt bad cause I ate hella late and made me feel very ACK! I didn't arrived at my home until 4ish and I woke up almose an hour ago. I vowed that I would jog in the morning cause I know it will make me feel better, but instead I will just dance my ass off...

Well, I have to run and see what's up with today...don't really know what's going on but, hopefully I will find out soon :)

2001-12-19T00:56:00.000-08:00

ww...I am so sorry!

I know that I should have been updating my page but I seriously don't have the time...I have a very good reason for that.

ONE WORD: FINALS!

ACK! I can't stand the fact that I have two more days worth of finals.

But for the past two weeks, I have been going to computer lab if you guys haven't noticed. I would stay there and then take short breaks to come back here and chat with people, if I have the time.

I have been doing some research for my Poli Sci 300 class. The class is about research and designing it. Ah, what FUN! Anyways, tomorrow is the day that I have to turn in my final, which is a proposal on what type of research I will be conducting in school and so on. But seriously, I didn't learn anything in this class because the teacher is new and she didn't know what she was doing. The sad thing about that is she actually admitted it to the class. Basically, this class is a joke! She told us to buy the books that costs almost $100 and didn't even really do anything with the books. Seriously, I wanted to complain cause she didn't assign any reading in the books. She didn't give us any assignments. She didn't have any samples of what kind of work we should be expecting. You know what!? I actually didn't even cut this class at all this semester. I came to class everyday and I did't even have to urge to cut. It's probably because I like the people in my group (Hi Leyla, Jenn, Blair, Zach, and Damian!) Good peoples, I tell and what a bunch crack heads, just like me. I am going to miss my group cause it was hella fun. We were the loud group.

Speaking of books, WTF is wrong with this school. I hate the fact that I have to get ripped off when purchasing the books and then get ripped off again trying to sell the books back. What the FEAZY! I sold my books back and I got a $8. FAWK! I swear this school is just rippin' peoples off left to right. How the hell you going to give me only twenty five cents for a book that i bought for $12. GEBUS GRIPES! I should have just kept my books because they would have been good future references. They would be worth more in the long run.

After I do my test, I will be heading for the computer lab cause I have to do one more part on my research proposal, which is my Lit Review. I don't really know what I am doing and so I just have to seriously wing this part of my research design. But after that, I will be going back to Vallejo because I have to get some money. I am seriously broke and that I can't stand not having any money. Tomorrow, I also have to finish reading a book and start writing an essay. I might just stop by StarBucks and read it there cause I need to go somewhere in order to concentrate. I wil get homethat night and start typing up my paper.

Thursday is my last day of finals in which I have to turn in three papers by 11AM. I have completed two of the three papers. I have one more to do and so tomorrow I have to finish reading and then type up my essay. Basically, it's really easy and that I am not really stressed out cause I spoke to one of my classmates and he explained to me the important pages that I should discuss in the essay. Thanks to who ever you are....I don't even know your name.

Well, gnite everyone cause I have to get up early tomorrow and I don't want to miss out on my test. Wish me luck!

2001-12-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

Good Morning everyone...

I had four hours of sleep and I need to get some coffee...eventhough I don't drink it, I might just do it today. I need to have my energy because I have so much to do today. I have to read, studying, write an essay, work on my report.

I am not laging, but I know I will be able to do some of these things today...I am hoping that I should be able to do atleast half of it...

Anyways, it's 11 and I would like to take a break and shall be back soon in the COMPUTER LAB to work on my Bio test...

Later Gator..

2001-12-06T16:45:00.000-08:00

Land of the FREE and EQUALITY?

Land of my MAHAL
Infiltrated by the OPPORTUNISTS
Taken by a STRANGLE hold
MY women and children USED
Labor pay DOLLAR a DAY
MASAKIT ang mga Buto
Said by MANONG
We MUST demonstrate and say
We are HUMAN BEINGS
Our DESIRE: EQUALITY
You the CORPORATE SLAVE laborist
Abusing my BROTHAS, SISTAHS, NANAYS, TATAYS, MANONGS, MANANGS, and KAPATIDS
YOU will not SUPPRESS our WORDS
YOU will not OPPRESS the PRIDE of OUR BEAUTIFUL BROWN SKIN
We are UNITED by the MOVEMENT
We fought against HATRED
Through this STRUGGLE
Some were beaten and KILLED
But our STRENGTH and VOICES
Is OUR SHIELD

Land of FREE and EQUALITY?

2001-12-06T16:31:00.000-08:00

BEAUTIFUL BROWN SKIN

Beautiful Brown Skin
There are no differences
But yet shunned
By our own Beautiful Brown Skin

Beautiful Brown Skin
Powerless by other actions
Separated by a faction
Because of our Beautiful Brown Skin

Beautiful Brown Skin
Pressures shall arise
In fighting the enterprise
Stand tall Beautiful Brown Skin

Beautiful Brown Skin
Boycotts has begun
To unite us into ONE
Rise Beautiful Brown Skin

Beautiful Brown Skin
Tears and Blood have been shed
Our hungry mouths will be fed
By EQUALITY
We are people of Beautiful Brown Skin

Beautiful Brown Skin
Searching for equality
Are we Truly FREE
Beautiful Brown Skin

2001-12-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

The people rising above
Islands lost with the color of brown
this mischief of sound
like the beating heart surrounding the compund
realizing one has been found
words of my native tongue
blistering through the massive ground
blood spilled through my veins
eternal lasting like the olypic flames
my brotha and sistahs of nations
beyond the magic pearl
tribal movements in the heat
dancing and moving to the sounds of the beat
souls seraching and surviving
uncharatersitics held back by thriving
oppressed by the shackles of supremacy
we are people of brown color held by true democracy

2001-12-05T09:40:00.000-08:00

Good Morning...ACK! It's raining...I can't believe it...I hope that tomorrow it doesn't rain...YOU KNOW WHY!

So, I woke up this morning thinking that I can do my reprot the whole entire day..taking a break in between when needed...I mean when I really need it...

I don't feel that stressed, but I am hoping that I should be done with this by tonight before mid-night because I have other things to work on...So, what is everyone up to this dark and gloomy of a day?

I am sitting here in the computer lab at SFSU and thinking what am I going to do the rest of the day after I am done with this report. I know that I have to stop for a bit after 5PM because it's Filipino Cultural Night..and I want to see all the Brown Brothas and Sistahs at my school celebrating their own culture, heritage, and roots...

On this note, WHAT IS A FILIPINO or FILIPINA? Can we ever give a specific definition on these two words, given the fact that we are of mixed cultures and backgrounds...

Well, I have to get started with my report because I have to do and I can't affford to slack today...I'll see you at Filipino Cultural Night...

2001-12-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't been able to update my page because I really don't have the time..since there are only two weeks left of school. I am stressing a bit cause I have too much shit going on.

Right now, I am just kickin' it at my homegyrl's house...she is cooking this kimchee soup...YUM!

Yummy...I just had two bowls of soup! After that, I ate some ice cream...Magnolia's Durian and Avocado. I feel so full and I don't think I am going to eat tomorrow.

While eating my meal, I am watching the Bill Board Awards....saw Britney Perform, Incubus, No Doubt...I like what Michelle was wearing...SHE'S SO HOT! I LIKE HER THE BEST....

Anyone bought the new DC's Christmas album? Listen to Michelle sing that song...OMG, she can sang...I just can't understand why they won't let her sing...are they afraid that she will rise higher than someone else? ::coughing::

I just finished watching No Doubt's performance...and I still have to say that I am a big fan...

Tomorrow, I have no school cause it's something about the teachers...I don't remember the term that they used..but yeah...so tomorrow is the day that I have to turn in my rough draft proposal for my Poli Sci 300 class...I will probably turn it in by midnight...I just want to get this over with....so tonight I should be working on my human sexuality class test or reading the Arendt book...Busy tonight...

I have to get going now..so I will update tomorrow if I can find the time...

2001-11-30T10:35:00.000-08:00

Class was cancelled and I don't know what the reason is, but I didn't get a chance to do the necessary shit that I needed to do. Instead, I just went out with my bestfriend Tin to her house and kick it there. We went out to lunch at this Vietnamese restaurant on Irvin St. After that, we just parted ways and I headed back to my apartment.

Instead of going to the apartment, I just stopped by Borders to see the latest books that were available. I want to buy this Anne Rice book because I love the way she writes. Another author that I love is John Grisham...his writings and his topics about laws, lawyer, and basically anything associate with law has added more impact on my choice to become a Lawyer in the future.

I stayed at Borders for an hour or so...and ended buy two CDs: GreenDay and DC's Christmas album. Hmmm, good combination of music? Christmas with a punk edge....I look at my watched and realized that I have to get going cause I have to go watch Friends and plus I wanted to get some homework and reading out of my ways, which I never accomplished. HOW SAD!

That night, I went to Faith. Faith was okay and I met some more new people even though they are always there and I am always there. I just never had a chnace to introduce myself to them cause I don't know...may be I was afraid that they might just snub me. I saw the regulars whom I kick it with...THOSE DAMN BIATCHES! Hah Hah Hah....

I went home early cause I wanted to actually get some decent rest. I left about 1:30 AM and gave everyone hugs and kisses and left.

I woke up around 6:30AM and felt that I needed more sleep and so I dozed off again and woke up at 8:30 and realized that I was going to be very late...cause class starts at 9AM. Did my usual morning shit and I got there just in time and class just barely started..I was so relieved.

Now here I am telling you what happened...

2001-11-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday (11/28/01): I decided to just hold back the rest of the days that I have missed on this journal because it's a lot of mental work trying to remember every single detail that has happened in my life. I don't think there's people out that actually wants to know everything that has happened to me everysingle second, minute, hour, days, weeks, and months, years, and so on...

I woke up feeling so shiny and new. Didn't know what to expect during the course of the day. So, I just went to class and actually enjoyed the lecture. At the end, the teacher asked the whole entire class if someone was willing to do the chapter reviews and just reflect back to the class what has happened in the book. Currently, we are reading Imagining Argentina by Lawrence Thornton. This book is so damn good. It's a great book because the lines in the book are so carefully crafted and they to me represent poetry. It's beautifully written. Let me give you an example:

"In any case, a little chill shivered up my spine as Carlos talked so calmly about the gift. He wasn't trying to find its essence in a mataphor, but actually describing how it looked. His eyes seemed very large and bright behind his glasses, which reflected the bottle on the bar. The pain was still there, but off a little to one side, as if making the room for whatever was coming. In effect he'd told me he had made a decision, and that he was now searching for an opportunity to act. As things turned out, he didn't have to wait long." - Thornton

Tell me, how beautiful is that? Seriously, you can capture it by imagining it with the details given by the author.

Anyways, I ended up volunteering without my "okay" cause the whole class looked at me because I was the only one who hasn't said or done anything in class. YIKES! So, I have to read ten chapters and then talk about it in class. So, I have a lot of things to do.

I wanted to go out yesterday but it was raining and so I just held back the plans and may be I might just do the plans today.

RAIN

Reflected
Hitting Splashing
Crashed
Wet and slippery upon the first step
Renewal of things
Refreshing: Old has been revived to something new
Powerful
Emulsification
Death
Birth
Uncontrollable
Tears Emotions Feelings
Thunderous Clapping
Sounds Soothing Calming
Sleep

Shit To Do:

Play Tennis
Buy A Studded Belt
Read and Relate
Research for project
Start on Essay

2001-11-27T10:45:00.000-08:00

Sunday (11/25/01): My mom was so upset that I didn't do what she had told me. I apologized profusely and didn't realize that it was only 6AM. We were both arguing...She was arguing about me not having to follow what she had told me and I was arguing about the time...She told me to get up and change and then go to the old house and help her haul more shit. I just agreed so that she would stop yelling at me.

We moved some more stuff and after 4 hours of this moving shit, my mom and I returned to Vallejo. She told me that she was hungry and I agreed with her...I told her that she can drop me of cause I had work soon.

Arriving at Vallejo, she told me to get my sister and tell her to go with my mom to buy some Popeye's Chicken. YUM! I love me some Popeyes...
and I know Beyonce from DC love her some Popeyes as well...good grief, my mom and sister must have taken like an hour to buy some chicken. They came back like at 11:30 and I was suppose to be at work at 12...I ate that chicken with a quickness... I ended up being 5 minutes late at work again...

Okay...I am going to be late for class and I think I am going to get ready now...and it starts at 11AM...Later

2001-11-27T10:28:00.000-08:00

I don't know what I meant by the last sentence last night...I just assume that I was in a stage of delirium and just nod and agree with me, okay?

I was so tired last night that I fell asleep with my glasses on and I just glad that I didn't warp them in anyway...Okay, I know that I am a couple days behind, but I promise I will be up to date by today...

Continuation...

Friday: As I was speaking about the way the store looked, I imagined myself not having to deal with the disastrous thrash that these vultures of customers have left. It was pure bliss knowing that I didn't have to clean up afterwards cause I was off @ PM and the mall closes at 10PM. SWEET! At the same time, I felt the sharp agonizing pain towards my co-workers who was suppose to stay until 2AM that night. OUCH!

Finally, the time had arrived...and I was set free. Home and sleep was the two things on my mind that night. I didn't care about anything else because I was set to sleep right away. I got home and wasn't able to sleep right away. Instead, my mother and I watched IRON CHEF. I remember the days when IRON CHEF showed only in the Asian network. Those were the great times because I have always wondered what the men and the women were stating. I received phone calls from a friend of mine, Gerald, that night. We talked for a bit and I had to let him go cause he had to get up early the following day.

Upon talking to Gerald, I had the feeling that I should be checking for my email. But I knew that there was no new email. I went online anyways to check if there was...Nope :(

Instead I ended up chatting with my friend, Jonathon. We were both discussing hair color because he dyed his hair that night. He tried three different shades of manic panic red: Pillar Box, Vampire, and I forgot the other color. He was explaining to me how it turned up to be that bright ass Ronald McDonald red. OUCH! But he also told me that he was going to tone it down with the Vampire Red that he has. I told him that I have used every single manic panic color there is because I had that hair color phase before. I even dyed my hair HOT PINK...ewww! It was getting alte and so I had to go. I slept around 1ish that night.

Saturday (11/24/01): I woke up to my mother's voice for the second day in a row. She kept insisting that I should get up and clean the house. I told her that I would be able to do that because of all the belongings that were placed around the house sporadically. The house was a totally disaster. I have been sleeping in the living room using the couch. As soon as I got up, I fixated myself to the television (Cooking Channel). My mom spoke to me and tagalog and said that I am always watching TV and never doing anything. I told her that I am trying to enhance my cooking skills. She laughed and said that she had noticed that they have been improving. I smile back. She commanded that I atleast clean up while watching the shows. I agreed with her cause I know that I should give my mother any more added stresses that she already has had with this whole moving situation.

I got up went to the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I moved the bags and placed them in the sections of the house where they needed to go. once the living room was cleared I ended up using the vaccuum to clean the rug. After vaccuuming, I folded the blankets and gathered the pillows and took back to my mom's room. My sister was sleeping the whole entire time. LAZY-ASS MOFO! I can't stand her...she doesn't do anything except use school and homework as an excuse. FAWK that SHIT! She always goes out and just kicks it with her friends. She is 16 and should be able to do the shit that I do. WTF!

My mom called me and said that I should call, Uncle Ben. She gave me her credit card and told me that I should call for a U-Haul truck and that I should give this card to Uncle Ben and so that he can use it to pay for the truck. I agreed with her. She was actually headed out for one of the two jobs that she had that day. She left and was headed towards my sister's room...

So, I go to her room and started to badger her because I know that she can do the same shit that I have been doing for the past two weekends. She hasn't helped move anything...only concnetrating fixing her damn room. While waking her up, I glanced at the time and it was already 11AM and work was suppose to begin at NOON...so I gave up. Instead, I got ready for work and couldn't do the errand that my mom told me to do. I left my mom a note and explained why I couldn't call the U-Haul and Uncle Ben up.

I left work and arrived 5 mins late. FAWK ME! Work was actually slow that day..THANK GAWD! I couldn't believe how much recovery we stil had to do cause of Friday. I just cleaned and stocked up with the items that needed to be stocked. I helped a few customers and was able to sell $500 dollars worth of merchndise....GOOD JOB :) The day at work wehn by slow, but I was able to do all the stuff that was needed to be done like stocking and fixing and arranging....that day, I was invited to go to Berkeley by NIFTY NORA but I told her I couldn't go cause I am feeling the heavy loads of work on my shoulders. By the end of the night, my body felt like it had given up. So, I left work with the feeling of just slumping over and just sitting there and not moving at all..

Driving home felt like forever...But I made it home :) Once again, I turned on the the Cooking Network and watched Iron Chef. I fell asleep that night after Iron Chef. Didn't know what happened until my mom woke me up...Mad!

Continue...

2001-11-27T01:47:00.000-08:00

Continuation....

Turds-Day (no, I didn't mean to spell this wrong): So, I ended up moving all the possible shit that was needed to be moved. I helped my mom mov all the shit out of the rooms and move it into the garage. I told my mom that I needed the necessary break because I was tired and hungry at thte same time...

So, I mentioned to her that I was going to head out to my best-friend's house to have THANKSGIVING dinner...but it was already 7ish and Tin already called me and mentioned that they already ate dinner, but it was all good cause I was able to eat dinner still...I left my mom at the old house and told her that I will be back in an hour and will bring her some dinner (I am not that fucked up and I do care and love my mom!)...At Tin's house, I arrived and started eating like a mad lunatic cause I haven't eaten anything that whole entired day...eversince I woke up...FAWK! I stayed at Tin's house for an hour and a half and then picked up my sister cause she called me and told me to pick her up...as a good brother, I picked her up and we headed back to our old house...I told my sister that I was going back to the old house and she was cool about it....SWEET! At 9PM, I told my mom to stop this madness and continue this tomorrow...SHE FINALLY AGREED! ALLELUJAH :)

So the night ended, with me knocked out on the couch and didn't get to wake up until 7AM cause my mom woke me up...

Friday (11/23/01): I woke up to the sound of my mom's voice...pestering me and telling me to get up and start helping her move more shit out of the old house...Inside, I FELT LIKE SHIT and wanted to scream GET THE FAWK OFF ME and LET ME SLEEP! I asked her nicely if she will let me sleep for atleast another house cause I felt really tired...She agreed! In fact, I woke up at 10ish which is pretty funny since my mom left for work and just wrote me a note stating that I needed to get a U-Haul and get the rest of the shit out of the house. I didn't get a chance to do that cause I had to go to work...I had to work at noon and it didn't end until 9ish PM....ACK! What a FAWKING long ass day....

I can't believe how bad it was at the mall..SHIT, I don't think I ever want to work after Thanksgiving again cause it's really stress full. It's the day of DEATH or the shopping madness shit day for everyone...Why do people go shopping insane after Thanksgiving? Seriously, this day felt like a really long ass day and that it would stop...just like having a nightmare that keeps hunting you...

The whole entire store is super duper messy...I can't standt the fact that she was mentioned more than me...I know I did might shit right...

As soon as I got home, I was able to relax and go to sleep, which I did...

Continue tomorrow...LOL

2001-11-26T01:07:00.000-08:00

....Early Monday morning and Late Sunday evening....

what more can you ask for? Me, I still feel the urge to have this short but tiring holiday vacation extended, but that would mean...I have to work! Nah, that's alright...

Thursday: I didn't leave until 1ish PM...because I wanted to clean my apartment before I go home...I couldn't stand it any longer because the apartment is sooooo samn messy....As soon as I left, I was headed for a long wait cause there was hella traffic headed out for SF. I don't know where this folks were going, but there was soooo much traffic. I wanted to scream and say, "FUCK ALL OF YOU!" I didn't arrive home until 3ish cause all that damn traffic, but as soon as I got home..my mom told me that I have to help her with all the packing and the moving shit...did I happen to mention that my family is moving back to ghetto vallejo (where all my childhood roots belong). I couldn't understand the concept of me working on THANKSGIVING and not being able to take a break....so that the moving would be faster....but someone's lazy ass couldn't do the given work that is needed to be done...when moving. SERIOUSLY, I FUCKING HATE MOVING cause as the person moving she can't really see anything...but yes, I should continue this tomorrow cause i am falling asleep...THANKS! :)

2001-11-20T00:25:00.000-08:00

Three days before Turkey Day vacation. I can't wait cause I know I need this break...it's been a while...

Today: I met with my group to finish up the project which is due on Wednesday. Our group met and we all agreed to do write up a page or two on the sections we were assigned. I was assigned with my friend Jen to write the methods and some other section. I told the group that I am also re-typing the group survey...so that it will be more presentable to the teacher. I can't wait til' this is all done cause I know that I don't have to deal with any of this. After this project, I have to work on my individual project, which is not that bad. I know that I can do this without questions in my mind.

I went to my other classes today and I have noticed that the school campus is empty. Not a lot of students are at school today...may be they took the whole week off. I went to my Poli Sci class and no one was in the class room. We didn't really have class cause we had another presentor. I like the guest speaker today cause he talked about Politics and analysis. I think that the lecture was very interesting and very educational.

Around 5PM, I called my friend Jonathon...to see what he is up to. But he didn't answer his cell phone, but I left a message. He called me back around 8ish and we talked for a while..but was cut short cause he had to go...but I noticed that something was bothering him..

Later on after my last class, I called my best friend and we both shopped around. But I didn't do much shopping cause I don't have money. I am so broke....HELP ME! Anyone want to donate some money to my broke-ass? I am a struggling college student. After the shopping, we bought some Chinese food and ate like maniacs cause we were both very hungry. I had a glass of red wine and also some orange juice...I have to say...I have never eaten Chinese food so damn much cause it's so good....

I left and Tin drove me back to my dorm...I was online and my cell rings and it's Jonathon. He called me back..awww! We talked and discuss about our day today. Jonathon was very upset and very tired. He has a very long day today and it was not going so well. I feel bad that he had a bad day. I wish I was there to make him happy :) I am just glad that we talked. Now, I am here typing....

Talk to you later?

2001-11-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

Good Early Morning to those who are still up in the wee hours....

It's Friday and today I am actually doing everything to help the moving from cordelia to Vallejo much smoother...
:)
I called my mom and she told me that she is going to be busy one Friday and Saturday...so that means it is up to me to do all the moving...ACK!

That's okay cause I know I can handle all this shit...I have no worries...

I just got back from Faith and it was kewl...RB came and it was really weird...but that's okay...I thought that we were going to talk but I guess it didn't happen...Oh Well...it's all good...I left Faith early cause I was feeling tired and that no one was there. I didn't feel the vibe. I felt bad cause I didn't even say Good-Bye to RB...but I know that he doesn't even care...

This week has been very long and next week will be a long week as well...Hmmmm...

An Idea just came to my mind:

Better Than YOU

No more lies No more anything No more YOU
Good Bye, it is time for me to leave
What did you say?
I can't stay because YOU don't want me here
Oh, so it's like that! Yes!
You think you are better than me...
NO, I am better than YOU

Looking and Judging Outside

Brings In Animosity
Laughing and Pointing
Making Rude and Hurtful Comments
Don't Judge Me
YOU don't know me
You are nothing but a low-life SON OF A BITCH
FUCK YOU is the answer
Misunderstood and Lead to believe
That I am not GOOD enough for YOU
YOU are a NOBODY
forgotten and nameless YOU shall become
Saddened by YOUR mindless words
GOOD BYE...

okay...well that just popped in my head...

Well Good Early FRIDAY morning...later gator...

2001-11-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

Long Ass Tuesday!

Even today is my short day...I have decided to re-evaluate everything and stop the fawking madness. Last night, I was talking to a friend of mine and I realized: "FUCK, I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!"

I have been lagging and been procrastinating one specific class and I don't think it's a great idea that I have been procrastinating. DAMN IT! I just really don't like this class....Political Science 300-Scientific Inquiry...Blerk!

Plus, I have to work on my take home exam for Human Sexuality class cause it's due tomorrow.

My first day of this whole new studious person starts today...I mean I didn't start lagging til' last month...I am not usually like this. Seriously, I am a very studious person...Crazy shit, huh?

Things to do:
Lit Review
Human Sexuality Exam
Read-The Reader
Read-On Liberty

It's something about livin' in SF that makes you just want to wonder around the city and discover everything....then it leads you to an

Efifany epiphany ipifane y pi phu ni

I decided to change majors for the 100 time...but I know that I am going to major in Psychology and minor in Poli Sci and Asian American Studies.

:Later Gators...

2001-11-12T11:39:00.000-08:00

Monday and it's raining...

How come some people don't like the rain? Is it because the rain gets everything wet and that people don't like that kind of feeling?

I think it's great cause it's a sign of renewal. It's a way to refresh things and that the rain is something good for the earth.

The only thing that I have to contradict about the rain is that I am hoping that it stops by Wednesday and Thursday...something important is going to happen with me that night..meeting with someone who is visiting from UCRiverside :)

News Flash:

Another Plane crashes in the New York State. It's American Airlines and the flight is 587and was bound for Dominican Republic. The plane crashed in the Queens area. The plane carried 246 passengers, 9 crew. Some witnesses said that the left engine on fire and fell off before the plane crashes.

May those who suffered rest in peace and I pray with the family who lost the lives in that crash.

Seriously, what is happening with the planes and the aviation system. Is this another terrorist act? A question that almost everyone, if not everyone wants to know.

Silence....

2001-11-06T00:32:00.000-08:00

Today is Monday and I have 12 minutes left before it's Tuesday.

Let's start with the weekend review...

Friday: I was suppose to go to this job interview for the third time this week, but I couldn't because I had to go to work. For the past three months, I have only been working on Saturday and Sunday...usually I work Friday, too. So, I wasn't expecting to work on Friday, but I was wrong..I found out cause I called work early in the morning thinking that I wasn't working. My manager answered and said that I was going to work: 2 to 9...FUCK! So as soon as my 9AM class was over...I went back to my dorm and gathered my things and headed straight home. I got home at 11ish and there was nobody home as usual. My mom is at work and my sister is at school. I got home and I saw a package for me and realized that it was the movies that I ordered: Trainspotting, Party Girl, Swingers, and Midnight Dancers (Filipino True Story...I will explain later). SWEET! I popped in Party Girl first...I haven't seen this movie in a very long time...I like Parker Posey...She RAWKS!

I was in the room and was laying in bed, when I fell asleep..so I didn't get to watch the movie...But that night after work, I watched the movie. I didn't get to sleep until 12ish...but the movie was great...enjoyed it!

Saturday: I woke up very early for some strange reason cause most of the time I wake up late...but lately I have been awake by 7ish...TOO EARLY for most of you folks...I got up...and decided that I should play tennis cause I want to start to pick it up again....I know that I am always welcome at the Saturday class at NVC. I took a shower and got my things ready (tennis gear) and headed for some good times...but as soon as I got there, I realized that they were playing the tournament during the middle of the semester cause the weekday classes ended already, but the Saturday class doesn't end until the 20th of December.

Brief Note: Good Morning everyone..it's already TUESDAY, November 6, 2001...

Back to the subject: I stayed there and watched the tournament and I haven't seen so many people before...it's usually a small class. The people are getting better and better at the game...so many people have improved. I hope that I improved as well...While waiting, another guy came late and he should have been playing tennis, but he was taken out cause he came an hour late...but the teacher told us that we can hit together..since we are both just sitting there waiting...I stayed there and played for a bit and went home around 12ish..I got ready for work cause I had to work 2 to 8...but I fell asleep and woke up at 1:20...I was rushing and rushing...got ready for work in 15 minutes and drove like 85mph...so SCARY! I was driving so recklessly...but I didn't care cause I didn't want to be late....The District manager was suppose to be there cause he wanted to check out the store...to see if we are all on top...as soon as work was done...I got home, changed with the quickness, got something to eat and told my mom that I needed to got to Target and buy the necessary things for the dorm. We had another mother and son bonding. We had fun and it was great!

I bought the following at Target:
-Herbal Essence Bleaching Kit
-Mach 3 shaver
-Dish Washing soap
-Scent Spray: Wild Berry Scent
-Garbage Bags
-Plastic Mats for the sink
-Therma Silk Hair Smoother
-Big Clear Glass Mug

After Target, we headed for Safeway to buy a few groceries...bought juice, chips, water, grapes, and so on...I didn't get home til 11ish. And I changed with the quickness again and popped in Swingers...oh, the good ol' times...

Sunday: I woke up the same time...7ish and took a nice jog. I love it...I felt refreshed....my mom made some fried banana...YUM! I don't know what she was doing that early in the morning but it was quite weird. She was cooking 6AM and cleaning the house. I guess, she got a good night's rest and felt that she has all this energy.

I had to work at noon. Got home at 7ish...took all my shit and headed back to SF. I asked her for some money cause seriously my ass is so broke that I was very hesistant to ask her. But I am glad that I did..she gave me $60....good enough to last me two weeks...YAY!

That's what happened on the weekend...

Monday: Class and Class and more Class...I went to Ranch 99 with my friend Kris cause I wanted to buy a few things there like the curry udon. mmmmm...so good!

So here I am now just typing away and I am getting tired...I am going to leave now..BYE :)

2001-11-01T20:28:00.000-08:00

The first of the month of November.

That means the years is almost over. :(

Did everyone enjoy themselves last night?

I did! It was great :) I couldn't believe that there was so many people at Castro. The street was so packed. I couldn't even move. I got ready at 9 and didn't leave until 10 PM cause I don't want to get there early. There too many students at SFSU waiting for the "M". When the "M" finally arrived everyone tried to pack it in. I couldn't believe that almost everyone fit in that muni. It was so bad that I had to squeeze barely at the door and I hated it cause the steps of the muni would rise up and down. I almost fell one time. Who cares!? All I know was that it was great and the people had a blast in the muni. We were singing and making so much noise. The only problem was that the muni stopped at every stop and that more people tried to squeeze inside the muni. Everyone screamed and started yelling "GET OUT, YOU GUYS CAN'T FIT ANYMORE!"

Finally, we all made it at Church and everyone again celebrated and started yelling for joy. Once I got there, I was amazed at the people and the massive crowding. I was just walking around and didn't even try to look for my friends cause I know that I wouldn't be able to find them since there was thousands of people. But as I was walking around and just looking at the sights and listening to the sounds. I spotted them: Ravi and the rest of his mates. They were dressed as the characters in the Wizard of OZ. They were so cute. So I joined them.

Guess what costume I wore? I was a RAVER BOI...very easy and very simple. LOL!

First, we tried to get into "Daddy's" which is a bar that has so many leather daddies. I felt like everyone was staring at me especially this one muscle leather bearish daddy. He was cute and I have never seen such big nipples in all my life. SCARY! They look like the size of grapes...LOL! I will not mention his name but he kept following me and hitting on me. I was flattered, but didn't have the interest. He was such a nice guy. I think it might have been the alcohol, but he wasn't drunk. I think he was just starting to get buzzed. We talked and got to know each other. He gave me his number and I might just call him just to be nice. We will see....

Anyways, I couldn't stand it in the bar so I ask Mr. Leatherman if he just wanted to go outside and just talk so more. I felt trapped and couldn't breathe. Claustrophobic? Yes, we talked so more and I remember he tried to kiss me, but I told him "No" cause I don't know him and plus I am not that type of a person. I gave him a hug though...he smelled like brand new leather mixed with a cologne, but don't know what kind it is. My friends wanted to know who he was and what happened and I told them that I just met him and he was just a buddy.

So, we all started walking around and Ravi was worried because he couldn't contact his lil' BF. So that group stood in front of this house and they were playing music and everyone just started dancing, but I didn't I just watched the people in the balcony dancing. I remember one guy started stripping and he took off everything, except for his costume (which was a package...no pun intended!) All the people started screaming and wanted him to take the box away as well. Finally, Ravi was able to meet up with his BF. Awww, they are so cute together. Let me tell you...Ravi is sprung like a MOFO and can't stop thinking of him. But that's good cause he needs something positive in his life. I don't remember the name of his BF cause it was the first time I met him last night. I feel bad.

I told them that I had to leave cause I didn't want to get stuck at Castro. I rode the Muni and saw the same people that I rode with in the beginning. I got home around 12ish and then I went online. I chatted with my friend RV. He goes to UCRiverside. We talked and talked until 4:30 AM. It was a great conversation and I was making him laugh the whole entire time. I kept spitting game and flirting with him. SUCKA PHISH FOOHL! After the long and wonderful intellectual and fun conversation, I went to sleep.

I woke up at 7AM and took off like a bat out of hell cause I had to finish my Political Science essay. I wrote about four pages the night before and then this morning I wrote three more. Finally, I was done. I could breathe and celebrate for joy in about an hour....cause I am going to go clubbing.

That's about it....Have a great evening :)

2001-10-31T08:02:00.000-08:00

Goal: Finish my essay, pay bills, and sleep. (If I have the time, go to all my classes!)

How are you? Tired.

What are you doing? I am trying to finish an essay that is due tomorrow.

What is the essay about? The Prince by Machiavelli

By the way, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Thanks!

What are your plans tonight? Going to Castro and that's about it.

Who are you going with? Friends.

Today is going to be a long and tiring day for me. I don't feel like celebrating cause I have been procrastinating the essay for my poli sci class. I should have done my essy last night, but instead I just went to sleep early. I have been feeling very exhausted mentally and physically lately. I don't know what's going on. I think it's the SEASONAL CHANGE DISORDER diagnosis that I have. YES, the doctor or psychologist told me that I have this condition. It's bad cause of the glommy weather and I can't do anything about it. I think living in San Francisco makes it worse. But oh well, I have the drugs to compensate for this diagnosis. They told me that I have to take Vitamin B and that I have to get some sunshine or else it will worsen. I have been taking my Vitamin B complex, but I don't think that it is working at all. FUCK!

Tomorrow I plan on turning in my essay early and then going to sleep the rest of the day. At night, I have to go to FAITH. The usual routine and no I am not sick and tired of FAITH. YOU GOT TO HAVE FAITH, Man! Plus, I have to call this job thingy that I am applying for because I don't have the computer access that is needed to create the signs that the secretary told me to do. I don't know exactly how I am going to tell her, but I have to get in contact with her and explain the circumstances behind my situation.

FUCK! Later Gator!

2001-10-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

Thursday was the longest day of waiting cause I woke up at 8AM and then I waited and waited and waited for INCUBUS. It was worth the wait cause I met them and they signed my CD. WOW!

It's interesting to see people, especially girls going goo goo and gaa gaa over Brandon. I bet he's a real nice guy and so are the rest of the people. But this one girl was about to faint and she was screaming and everyone was getting annoyed by her. SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I finally met INCUBUS at 6:23PM exactly cause I wrote it down in my journal. Jose (the drummer) shaved his head. I shook hands with all of them and I also introduced myself to them. I can't believe that I met INCUBUS. It just reminded me the day that I met the SMASHING PUMPKINS sans Kris this time. I wish someone was there so that they could have signed two things for me. But that's okay cause I am not that greedy.

Thanks INCUBUS! I had a blast waiting in line and meeting some dope ass fans...and these fans are as hard core as I am...LOL!

That night I drove back to SF and danced at Faith. The usual routine. I stayed there 'til it closed which was about 2ish. I danced with many of the people. Met up with my friends: Vannessa, Ravi, Shannon, Bianca, Niki and so on. I met two new friends...they are kewl. I forgot their names though....1 guy and 1 girl. The girl and I started dancing the Aaliyah routine and we shoed it to everyone. They thought that we were dope. FRESH JIVE, BABY! The guy kept getting all up on me. He was freaking me and was just going insane. Keep YOUR PELVIC THRUSTS TO YO' DAMN SELF! LOL! But I know this foohl liked it...ha ha ha...

Friday: I didn't do anything that day except kick it around the dorm and just sleep sleep sleep...I did go to the interview for my new job, but the secretary told me to meet them on Monday cause the boss was too busy. I hope that I can get the job cause I need to find a new one. That's all I did on Friday.

Saturday: I woke up around 8 and cleaned up my dorm. I put the posters up and did all the shit that I need. The kitchen and the living room is dirty, but it's up to the other dorm people to clean that shit up cause I ma tired of cleaning their shit. FUCK! I went home and no one was home. I was looking and was looking but no one. SUCKAGE! I went to work and when I got home I saw a brand new 2002 MONTERO SPORT UTILITY VEHICLE in the garage...my FAWKING MOM bought a new car! FAWK! But I am not going to complain cause it's phat...shit is DAWP! SUPAFLY FRESH JIVE!

Now here I am typing and I am getting tired...going to work at 6AM...that's it time for me to go...

2001-10-24T14:30:00.000-07:00

I got my mid-term paper back and...

I GOT an "A"!

Time to celebrate! Where's the crystale at?

2001-10-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

INCUBUS INC.

I went home yesterday cause I wanted to buy the new Incubus CD. Plus, I wanted to meet them. The day to meet them is this Thursday, I am going to skip a class and go to the Tower records in Concord. I can't wait. I have to get there as soon as possible because I know that the line is going to be long. I am going to be there by 8AM. They won't get there til 6PM, but still I am going to wait. During the waiting process, I am going to do some major reading and catching up. Home work galore. I hope that they allow people to take pictures and so that I can give proof that I met them. :)

Must bring the following:

CD player and CDs
Food
Backpack with homework
CD and receipt (essential or else I won't be able to meet them...I guess valid proof)
Camera with blk and white film
Nice fit to attract some attention
My charms and good looks..LOL (hey, MTV is going to be there and I know that I am going to have my few seconds of fame!)

That means I have everything to my easy access cause I can't lose my spot on the line.

They are one of the top 10 in my list of bands...

That same night, I will be attending a club, which I always attend anyways. Club Faith, ever been there?

"YO MA!" -Ja Rule

2001-10-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

I skipped class today cause I don't really know what is going on in this class. It's a class where you have to create political surveys and so on. I don't know how to create surveys. I don't know anything. I would like to drop this class, but I can't let my group down. It's already past half way in the semester and I still haven't done my lit review. It was due almost a month ago and there's another one part of the project that was due today. But of course, I haven't done it as well. I think that I just made a wrong choice of class when I took this. I should have taken it when I have the time to put all my effort into it. I am concentrating on my other classes.

Instead of heading to class, I just kicked it with my friend downtown. We had a blast and I already know what I am going to be for Halloween. I am going to do this survivor style. With my ripped and burned Hawaiian shirt and my ripped dirty denim pants, I am surviving. I also plan to place rhinestones and glitter on the shirt and then sew some raffia on the shirt. I also plan to rip the pants and then sew some raffia on it as well. I don't know about the rhinestones but I will check it out tomorrow.

After class tomorrow, I am planning to go to Tower records and then buy the Incubus CD so that I can meet them on Thursday. I can't wait. To see on the best bands is FAWKING RAWKING! I also plan to stop at Michaels store to obtain the needed supplies for my survivor outfit for Halloween.

This week, I need to read Machiavelli and then I have to do my essay on Machiavelli. It's due next week, but I know I have to get this paper ready and well done. I also plan on renting a movie called Death In Venice. Infact, I am going to read it tonight and try to finish it off by tomorrow. I have to get going now...

Later Gator...

2001-10-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

I am still a virgin and have realized that I am going to be like this for a while....sorry for me? Don't be cause I "chose" to do this. Reason being is that I am too picky or I just haven't found the right person to give my virginity away. Speaking of sex...oh, I just realized that this is too early for sex-talk. But you know what...people out there this early are probably having sex already (meaning the rest of the world). Anyways, what are places did you guys boink at?

Is there anything that turns you on? What makes you hot and bothered ? Some chocolate sauce and whip cream...LOL!

Do you know the three levels of sex? If not, read this carefully and understand the three levels of sex.

The first level is straight up FUCKING...no feeling just a random FUCK. Once you are done, you move on and FUCK another. It's just raunch.
The second level is called SEX. Having SEX with another person means there's a connection and no feelings added to it. You just want to have SEX with the person.
The third leve is MAKING LOVE. Now, not everyone reaches this level...some are just stuck in the first two levels. MAKING LOVE means you are committed to the other person. The feelings are attached and there's a deeper connection between the two people, called intimacy.

Now what level are you on?

2001-10-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

I work so hard on the safe-sex condom pie project. We didn't finish the project until 10ish last night. But I am very proud of the project cause this morning when I turned it in my teacher kept saying positive words about the project. She took pics of it. I hope that we get full credit on this project or even get extra credit for doing such a great job.

This morning I woke up very early because I needed to turn in the safe-sex condom project and also work on my test which was due today for the same class.

Lately my days have been very long and tiring..one reason could be that I have been staying up very late. I just sit there and have been thinking about everything. I miss my mom and my sister...I guess moving out of the home makes you realize that you do love the home that you live in and that the things that drive you crazy including the people have a greater meaning.

I haven't eaten meet in a long time. I have been eating vegetarian foods, especially the place that sells the bagels and the fresh fruits with frozen yogurt ice cream....FUCK, that shit is off the hook...it's like BAM!

I talked to Jesse today and I being an ass and as usually giving J a hard time...Silly kid! Jesse wants to visit me, but I said Friday would be a better day. So, Jesse is coming here...YAY! We are going to kick it and just chop it up....

ANTHRAX is slowly over coming the news....it used to be Osama bin Laden....so what's next in the news....
Does the thought of chemical warfare scare you? Do you think we will ever resolve the problems that this country is facing? Do you think you are safe at home? or even anywhere? Is bombing a country a good solution? What can we do to stop this hatred? Do you ever face racism?

2001-10-16T09:13:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Everyone!

My apologies for those who read my silences. But last night, I felt so tired and that I couldn't keep my eyes open. Yesterday felt like it was a very long day.

cont...

So, I actually made it through the class and didn't fall asleep or anything. I took notes like I always do. At the end of the class, my group people neededd them cause they were late and didn't cath the first half of the class...Oh, soooo bad of them! It felt great that I saved them cause the notes were very important and it said valuable info about the group research project.

I have to seriously say this, I have no idea what we are doing in class...I FEEL VERY LOST! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM DOING! Sometimes, I sit there and pretend to nod and understand just like everyone else. I hope that some of the people feel this way, too! But I know I have to get my act together and some how figure out what's causing this feeling of "LOST."

So after class, Blair and I hung out and chatted. She told me some sad news and I couldn't believe it. I am sorry Blair :(
After she told me this, I told her some good news. I told her about my night at Faith and about Jesse. She was happy for me. Thanks sweets!
We parted our ways and I called Kris if she wants to go to Target with me cause I had to buy some stuff for the condom project.

At target, I bought a box and that was about it. After Target, we went to Ranch 99, bought me some food and some drinks. On our way to Ranch 99, I couldn't see anything because of the thickness of the fog that surrounds the area. The road was a bit tough to drive on. We bought the necessary items and I realized that I didn't get to eat that day...I believe I only ate like a power bar and some water...so I had to resove it by eating Chinese food. I ate with a quickness and it tasted really good cause I know that I was hungry. LOL...We stopped by the bakery and bought this cute round of cheesecake with fruits on top. Finally, we got home and we ate part of the cheesecake and we watched Korean videos and I left her house almost 11PM.

That was my day yesterday...TA DA!

Today, I have to go and check if I have a class and call my friend Caroline and tell her if we do or we don't have class...First I must check the class and then I will have to call her...

Later..time to go!

2001-10-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to go class at 4PM today cause I felt the urge to nap. But instead, I got myself up and check my emails from my other accounts. I didn't realized that one of my good buds asked me to turn in his paper cause he has been ill (an evil cold). The paper was due last Wednesday and I hope that I didn't fuck anything up, especially our friends or even his grades. Will someone just beat me?! So, I went to the library frantically and printed out his paper. After, I turned in his paper and headed for my 4PM class. TO BE CONT....

I can't go on...my eyes are heavy and it keeps closing..so I will have to continue this tomorrow...

Later....it's time for bed

2001-10-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

Sun Day's Disasters

Going home is a such a disaster. I can't stand the weather at my mom's place. It's too hot. Work was a disaster. I didn't get to do my regular routine because I was banned from the fitting room.

Here goes: It all statrted on Saturday cause I feeling like SHIT and it work added more to it. ARGH! The customers in the fitting room are all TOILET PAPER ASS WIPES. I can't stand them. They are rude, annoying, and abnoxious...I remember one of the customers...she was a total bitch! She was waving at me like I was a dog and she said out loud to me, "COME HERE NOW, I NEED A ROOM!" She's rude as fuck. She complained about everything including the clothes that she tried on..which was about 25 pieces (I counted!) and she left it all over the room and on the floor. She didn't even buy anything and then she has a nerve to complain to my manager that everything in the store sucks. FUCK HER! I was so pissed that I started ranting and raving out loud and my manager heard me..I didn't get introuble..she just said that tomorrow..I will be taking a break from the fittingroom.

I don't understand why stupid dumbass people like that are breathing. Man, if I ever meet her parents I would bitch slap them for creating such a horrible piece of Shit. But I realized that everyone is entitled to live and I can't do anything about it.

After work, I went straight home. I got my things ready and then I was headed for my other home (SF). I told my mom that I probably wouldn't be home until Saturday cause I will be very busy with school. She told me that I should atleast try to come home on Wednesday like I usually do. I told her that I will try and see if I can make it. I got to the my other home @ 9. My group called and told me that they will be meeting with me tonight at 9:30 to brainstorm some ideas about our project.

For the following project. our group will be needing:

-Red, Plain, and Blue condoms...don't asked! LOL
-Pie Tin
-Cardboard
-KY Jelly
-Flour
-Apple Scent
-Food coloring
and there's more...

I didn't get to sleep last until 2ish cause I was thinking...oh, it's something very good. I talked on the phone with Jesse. (Hi Jesse!) I like talking to him. He's a really RAWKING guy. Hmmmm...thinking thinking thinking

Monday Morning Madness

Had to wake up very early cause I have to pick a friend up cause she left her keys here in my dorm. ACK! I got directions to her house and I still got lost. I don't really know Daly City that well, but I discovered a little place that I would like to visit. But I called her and she helped me find her house. Made it! I took her to school and we were 5 mins. late for class, but that's okay cause we didn't really miss anything.

Here I am now in my room updating my page...Time for me to go for class and then I will have to go to the store to buy some condoms...

2001-10-13T23:48:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it..AOL booted me off while I was typing this blog....all that hard work and good memories down the drain..FUCK!
I have to start all over again...

Wednesday: didn't go home and just locked myself in the dorm...

Thursday: Class was cancelled, went home, took a nap, went to work at 4, rushed out of work once I was off, went back home and asked mops for some gas money and spending money. Went to Faith around 11ish. Felt stupid and dumb.

Met up with friends at Faith and danced in the hiphop room the whole night. So two cute Latino guys checking me out. All three of us played the looking game. At the end, I didn't get a chance to say hi, get their names or numbers, or even wave goodbye or chat...such a DUMBASS...ACK! I hate this...I feel so shy and I don't know why...wow, that rhymes! Anyways, I am hoping that they will be there next week cause I am definitely going up to one of them, if not, both of them and introduced myself. Both we gdlkng, but I believe that guy with the labret piercing stuck out more...SIGH...I am still angry at myself...PLEASE PRAY FOR ME THAT THEY WILL BE THERE NEXT WEEK...if this happens, SWEET!

Friday: went to Human Sexuality class, talk to group about the condom project...making a pie out of condoms and dental dams. Got my new number at the dorm. Didn't want to go out and so I locked myself in the dorm watching the cooking channel. I like Emeril...he's FAWKING RAWKING! Called Kris and told her my new number and asked if she wanted to eat and call me back when she is done with class. Called Chelle and told her about Faith. Called me a DUMBASS, which I gladly agreed....around 6ish...Kris called and said I should come over and we will see what places are there to eat. Got there and we both didn't know where to eat and what to eat...finally, we decided KOREAN. YUM! We headed for J-Town and went to ARANG....I am telling you that you need to try the rice cake cause it's so good. Bought cigarettes cause it's feels so good to smoke after you eat a great meal. Took her home and headed for my place. Slept at 2ish....

Today is Saturday: Left my dorm around 9ish, got to the bank at 10ish, got home at 11ish, went to work at 2 and left at 7, got home and studied. Now I am online. Tomorrow I will be taking a jog, cleaning my car, and chaning the oil.

2001-10-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hi Blair and Rich :)

Going home tonight is the question that I am contimplating.

Reasons to go home:

Free Food
See and Talk to Mops and Sis
A package that came for me
Money to mooch off Mops
Do anything in my house

Reasons not to go home:

Waste Gas
Spend Money on Toll
Traffic
Bills
No Food (if Mops didn't get a chance to make dinner)
No computer access

Within the next hour, I should be able to make my final decision. Go home [ ] Don't Home [ ]

Celebration is going to be on tonight cause I finished both my midterm essays. Can you spell R-E-L-I-E-V-E?

Time to go!

2001-10-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

1st time was last night.

A caffeine pill and a can of mountain dew.

fingers pressing the keyboard and creating words.

no time to waste.

think. create.

due date is tomorrow.

11 AM.

2nd time is tonight.

Red Bull? Mountain Dew? Caffeine Pill?

rushing. typing.

2 pages and 5 more to go.

Antigone. Ismene. Calphurnia. Portia.

Tomorrow 1220 sharp.

Pass? Fail? Hands of teacher.

2001-10-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

Saturday NIGHT of ALCOHOL

The night started out with my friend and was searching frantically for a bar that I had no info about. I was suppose to check this bar at Polk St. for a job. But I couldn't find the essential paper that had all the important information like the address, the number, and the contact person. After a few minutes of serching, I just gave up hope and decided to drive to Castro. I wanted to stop at Castro to see if there's anything exciting happening that night, since the following day (which is today) was the Castro Street Fair. It was busy and I wanted to park and just walk around. But unfortunately, I couldn't find parking. Once again, I gave up hope and left the area. At the end, We ended up in Pak N Save and bought some chips and alcohol (Guiness, Peach Cider, Jaigermiester, Red Bull). ACK! Guess what happened next?

After, a few black velvets (guiness and cider mix), a shot of Jaigermeister, a tootsie roll, a bubble gum, and tons of chips and more water....BAM!

Drunk of my ass, I pass out. I was supposedly watching Gone in 60 secs. but that didn't happen. I was out and didn't wake up until 4 AM. I told my friend who was sleeping that I wanted to go home and just sleep there. So, I left. I know that was a crazy thing to do. But I had the feeling that I needed to be home. On my way home, I found close parking. SWEET! As soon as I got to my room, I went to sleep and didn't wake up until 11AM. CRAZY!

CASTROSTREETFAIR

I was trying so hard to keep in touch with my friend, so that her and I can go together to the fair. I told her that I was going to her house around 12ish. But her ass didn't wake up until 1:20 PM. ACK! I went to her house and rang the door bell and called her cell phone several times. Still NO LUCK! So I just moved on and left her. I went by myself and was sitting on the M muni when my phone rings. It was Ravi and he was headed to the fair as well. A few seconds later, my other friend calls me and says that she was in the shower and that she is ready. I told her that I was already in the Muni and was headed on my way to Castro. I felt bad that I dissed her, but I waited and waited and waited patiently for her to pick up the phone or answer the door. I was so glad that I wasn't going alone in the fair. I would have felt so lost. Ravi came with three other friends. These three ladies are fucking funny as hell. Lesbians are so fucking kewl. They RAWK! I met them infront of the Castro Theatre around 2:30PM. Finally, they arrived and the rest of the time was great. I had fun. So much eye candy. SWEET!

Two definitely stuck out, but didn't get a chance to say hello to these two. One was just standing there waiting for the rest room and the other the waiter in a restaurant.

Oh well...next time!

2001-10-05T02:36:00.000-07:00

I am soooo tired! I just got from FAITH and it was great. I haven't been there for a while and it was really exciting seeing people whom I haven't seen for a while. After FAITH, I usually head for a Wal-Greens to buy the following: SPRITE and SUN CHIPS. Yes, those two some how energizes me.

Today at FAITH, they were looking for dancers. I didn't make it cause the lady didn't even look at me :( But that's okay cause I know that I will become a famous dancer someday and people will recognize me. HA!

I didn't meet up with the one person who I was suppose to meet up. I don't even know if this person ever made it. I hope so and hopefully next time I will meet him there. I plan to go next week with Blair (Hi Blair :) and who ever else is interested.

Soooo tired, I am just going to sleep. Good night everyone and sweet dreams.

2001-10-03T00:32:00.000-07:00

thus the arrow of cupid's struck me with it's venomous poison called love...'tis not so. thyself shan't have the feeling of love. Thyself doesn't confide to love only infatuations of longing feeling.

CRUSHES suck! I can't stand them cause I know that I have strong feelings for someone and I have put effort towards this person. At the end, I will probably get hurt. THAT's why they F*CKING call them "CRUSH."

ACK!

Hey, Shout outs to Billy and Jose.

2001-10-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

Shout Outs to Jose and Jennifer..

Young and ready to go....

I watched the new 49er team and they won today! The new and young (no pun intended!) team looks promising. I hope they make it far, but I know that payoffs is questionable. But I shouldn't think about the future. Let's just see what happens.

The SF49ers played against the NYJets and they won: 19 to 17.

That's about it...I feel really tired cause the day was so long and boring.

DON'T LAUGH...

I got locked out of my room today and had to wait until 2ish PM to get in. That's the time when my roommate came home. I didn't miss anything in class cause my classes have been cancelled. SUCKS ASS! Just really glad that my classes was cancelled cause if I didn't, then I would have missed a lot of quality notes. So, I was suppose to have three classes today and all three have been cancelled. How weird is that?

Tomorrow: Jogging the cold misty air. Hope that I don't get sick....

Gots to go..

2001-10-01T01:10:00.000-07:00

It's Monday morning and Happy October 1st...that means it's 30 more days 'til it's Halloween. BOO!

I don't know what I am going to do cause I have no clue when my paper is due for my Political Science class. I think it might be due today (in about 11 hours). If this is the case then, I must speak with my professor and tell him that he wasn't clear on the due date of the paper. I must also tell him that I should have been a responsible student by asking when is the paper's due date. I am hoping that I will be due next week. If it is, I promise to work on it this whole entire week. I plan to revise it several times and create a paper that will impress my professor.

I have to write about Antigone and Creon. A compare and contrast paper is what he wanted and I shall deliver the goods. There's a slight problem: NO MOTIVATION and I have no clue on how to start it.

It's been a long time since I have written a paper and I don't have the push for it. I should be excited cause it's my first paper.

HOME on the RANGE...

I went home for the weekend. I had to work and didn't much appreciate with the reason that business is slow due to the economy, which they cut hours. That's why I applie to several places here in the city. Mom was very happy to see me. She and I chatted for a bit. I lied about school and said that it was fine, but this wasn't so cause I don't know when the paper is due. I promised my sister that I would take her and two of her friends to the mall. I didn't break the promise. I took her, plus two more. That day didn't end until 11PM at night. Hanging around with my lil' sis gave me a chance to get to know her more. It was kewl. This happened Friday night. Saturday was just work and Sunday was work as well. Slight on Sunday cause I had to work 6AM to change the floor settings. Retail is a lot of work!

The house was clean and I actually cleaned my room. The CDs are organized by alphabet and I could see the floor again. The room is spotless. While I was cleaning and organizing my CDs, I realized that I missing quite a few. I hope they turn out some where where they are safe. I had to throw away lots of reciepts which I kept and some were very out dated. I like to keep certain ones cause they have a significant meaning to them. I am a pack rat! I also played guitar, which my mom bought me for my 22nd birthday. I have to take a guitar class cause I have no clue on how to play. But I will soon.

I arrived at my place in the city a few minutes before 11PM and since then I have been chatting with friends online (AOL). But I am feeling the tiredness now and I shall go away and rest. Tomorrow I must face the consequences if the paper is due.

I should have been writing that essay instead of chatting it up with people!
Arriva Derci...

2001-09-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

OKay, no more put downs today...

Here's something that I composed and no it's not spoken-word!

EDUCATOR

Lost as the person speaks
What are his words?
Who is this person?
What knowledge is he passing?
I'm searching
For an answer of a connection
Trying to confide myself
PRETENDING
to comprehend
Nodding shamelessly
Concentration is all LOST
OVER and out in 15 mins
Time seems forever...every second is an
ETERNITY
He uses deep CONTEXT
with hand GUESTURES
Movements as to EMPHASIZE words
or to COAXED every single
ZOMBIE
In this small encapsulated CELL
QUIET and Impatient
LOST of INTEREST
I want to RISE up and REACH
inside myself and SCREAM
or grab the THE OUTSIDE WORLD
just like the OTHERS

2001-09-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

Thursday: Sitting and typing away. Listening to Lounge Music a la Swing style.

Last Night, I came home and it was exactly what I said in yesterday's journal. I was cleaning and putting away the mess. I didn't complain. I just did what I had to do. I watch this show, American High and I thought it was interesting. I have heard of this show and wasn't it suppose to be aired on Fox. But I guess it was cancelled due to the material. I guess people weren't opt to see or were afraid to see what the real life of a teenager is. I guess the adults couldn't handle it and may be they thought that these kids on American High were bad influences. That's funny!

American High is an alright show. I like three characters: Brad, Ana, and Morgan.

Suggestion:

Any adults out there that don't want to know what teenage life is like these days, then I suggest you live under a rock or don't have kids.

I was a teenager and believe me, life was HELL! To be honest, I only had a few brief good moments in high school. The rest is history and it should be kept inside a vault.

Is Being Ethnic, Dressing Ethnic, and Taking A Few Filipino Classes Make YOU Filipino?

Talking about school, I have something to say about the college that I go to and the people that go here. Not trying to put down my own race, but what the fuck is going on in my school. According to my views, I think there are too many wanna-bes and dramatics here. I am Filipino. I am proud to be a Filipino-American, but when you try to act or dress in a certain way that you usually are not, then there's a problem.

Let's talk about the Spoken-word and ethnic going back to my Filipino roots people at my school. Funny! I feel sad that these people never understood what is it like to be a Filipino. It's like taking a few classes doesn't make you Filipino. It's understanding, living, and being proud of all parts of being Filipino that makes you Filipino. Dressing one's self with ethnic looking like clothes, which includes puka shells, doesn't make you Filipino. I repeat, "IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU FILIPINO!" To those people, I give you credit for trying.

Another concept that bothers me is when people try to change their language. The usage of spoken-word (i.e. To my supportive, loving, and caring Filipino brothas and sistahs, we must stop this oppression. We must stand up and fight against the racism and hatred. We must be aware of one's own culture. We MUST go back to the motherland and help those who need the support) doesn't make you Filipino. ARGH! Stop this for once. Think about it, I know that most of you still make fun of those FOBS. Don't tell me you don't cause I know you still talk shit about them. I know that whatever your parents do at stores or at home or infront of your friends make you grimace and hate them. Do their actions and the way they present themselves and the way they talk, anger you and make you not want to be seen in public or anywhere? If your answer is "YES" then you are not Filipino. The only way is to understand, be proud, and accept everything that is connected with being "Filipino."

It is sad cause most of these people in school I knew way back then. They weren't like this before. They were all racers or wanna-be racers. Some didn't even want to associate with being a "Filipino", which includes the lack of understanding or communicating through our language. For anyone that reads this and I have offended you, I apologize, but think about what I said.

2001-09-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday and I am going home just for tonight. Well, it's actually a daily routine of mine. I go home. Check what's there to mange (it's eat in French). Do a little clean cause I know the house is a mess. DAMN IT! Ever since I left, I noticed that the house is never clean. My mom doesn't have the time and my little sis (She's 16 and Happy Belated Birfday!) doesn't stay at home during the weekdays.

Here's the story:

I go to school in San Fran. I live with four other males, who doesn't clean after themselves (another story), but what do you expect they are Males. Not to put down my own gender, but come on! So, I don't come home until Wednesday and the weekend (work-related only). If I find work in the city then I would stay here and just go home on Wednesdays. Back to the subject, my mom is too busy cause she has two jobs and doesn't have the time to clean, take care of family, or even take care of herself. She's a GREAT mom! I just feel bad for her cause she has been supporting two little asswipe bastards most of her life. One day when I become a heartless lawyer and make the *BLING* *BLING* then I will take care of her and my sister. My life is indebted to her. My dad is another story. Can you say D-R-A-M-A? I am not sad. I just think my situations made me a stronger and persistent person. My sister is still in high school and the problem with that is my mom can't pick her up and so she is living with her best friend. My mom and my sister's bestfriend's mom made arrangements. My mom buys my sister her food for like week and I think my pays my sister's bestfriend's mom monthly payments (rent-ish type of thing). My mom can't pic her up because she doesn't get home until midnight. She starts work at 7AM and like I have stated doesn't finish 'til MIDNIGHT. Another part is that we live out of the school boundaries and my sister didn't want to go to another school and start fresh all over again. So, I have to say we are guilty of lying to the school system. But yeah that's the story and that's why I usually go home on Wednesday just to help clean and do other errands for my mom and sometimes for my sister.

I have one more class to go and this is a three hour class. I don't really like this class cause it's really boring. It's about creating surveys. How FUN! After class, I have to go back to the apartment and pick up the shit that I need. But for now, I should start reading my research book and take high quality notes.

The weather is nice and it's great after the thunder and lightning and the rain. But rain is nice as well. It's a great way of renewal. New life and it's refreshing. I remember the thunder made such a loud sound that all the alarms in the cars went off. That's how bad it was.

Going now to catch some rays...

2001-09-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

School is kicking ass right now. I have too many things going on and have tried involving myself with clubs at school. I know that I shouldn't commit to something if I don't put my whole heart into it or if I don't make an effort in trying to be involved into situations. I will try my hardest to do whatever it takes to be involved in school. I want people to know who I am.

LIFE>

I am just sitting here and reflecting on what my life has been and what I need to do to improve it. It just amazes me on what I have done and what more I need to accopmlish. I believe that whatever actions or things that you said affect you as a person. It's the experiences in life that create you as a person as well. I am still young and don't have the experiences like most people have.

There are very positive aspects in my life. Friends and Family is a big part of my life. School is a big part of my life. These make up my life. I am happy and proud that I have loving, caring, supportive people in my life. These people have given me a piece of their heart and I will cherish it.

I feel as if I need to do something in order to gain these experiences. To be honest, I felt very sheltered and that I was a kid who had everything and didn't have to work in order to get something. I felt spoiled. It just disgusts me for some reason. But I really can't change my past. I want to become independent and not rely on my parents, which I have done for about 2 yrs now. On occassion, if I am in really broke to the point that when my only option of food water for breakfast, lunch, and dinner that's the only time I ask my parents for help.

Otherwise, I am here and I am going to make it on my own.

I shall be searcing for a job today cause I am tired of going home every single weekend just for work. I am already wasting money for toll just to get home and then I have to pay toll again just to pass another bridge on my way to work. HA! This needs to stop. The search for a job is on...

Time to go Batman...

2001-09-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

So I absolutely think that people around the world are helping the United States. It's great that other countries are helping us. It isn't just our loss, it's the whole world's loss. There are so many things that a person can help with this tragedy. Infact, I myself have donated blood (Type: AB-) Yes, it's the rare form of blood. I remember I refused to give my blood because it's so rare. But that was a selfish act. I am here on this planet to some how give as many contributions as I can.

Talking about this chaotic world makes me ill. How can people do shit like this? If I can get a chance to probe into the minds of these people, I would like to know what their thoughts, feelings, and so on. I know it would probably scare the shit out of me, but it's the risk that I am willing to take. Himanity will never find happiness or peace. I have hopes, but I have doubts as well.

HOME>

I went on Friday afternoon cause I had work. I didn't mind going home, but the commute was a total disaster. ARRGH! I hate commuting. Traveling from SF to Fairfield is way too far, especially on a when traffic was just starting and everyone's trying to leave. Saturday was alright, went to a party and it was all about consumption of alcohol. My friend turned 21 and became an instant alcoholic. GAWD, can a person drink so much! Yeah, look at Ruthie in the Real World (no offense). It was just really weird seeing someone who has never done anything remotely bad do this. It was utterly insane and I can even imagine and describe some of the things that my friend was doing. I wasn't drinking too much. I just drank enough. Plus, I looked really classy with my brown rib crewneck sweater, leather jacket, dirty washed jeans, and brown shoes. With being classy comes along a classy drink. So, I made myself a martini. YUM! I believe I had three martinis that night: Plain, apple, and Midori. It was weird seeing these people cause I haven't seen them for a long time. I got compliments and that people said that I looked very high class. I was just going for that look and I guess it worked. Holding a drink in one hand and having a conversation was the last touch. SWEET!

Sunday, I realized that I had a test and I finished most of it around 1AM cause I had to work earlier that day. It's due at 9AM today and I turned it in incomplete cause I was missing one part. I can't stand work at the moment. I have no hours and I need money. A resolution is to find another job, but I don't want to cause I know that my past wrok related situation would only hold me back. DAMN, those people who blamed for the DRUGS. It's a long story and don't have the time. Next time. Wouldn't it be great, if all the problems didn't relate with money! The world would be a much happier place, I think.

Time for me to go cause I would like to get something to eat and read a book.

2001-09-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

Four weeks of school has passed and I still feel like I am not doing anything or learning anything. But everytime I opened my mouth something crazy or smart comes out. Shit, I am amazed at myself! I have so much shit to do this weekend and it's mostly school orientated. I have to go online and check out my teacher's website and print out the questions for my first midterm. I have to go to the library at school to do this because I don't have a printer for this labtop that I just bought maybe a few weeks ago. I also have to catch to up and read tons and tons of pages from several books. The only set back on this is that I have read most of these books during my high school hell years. AHHHHHH!

I plan on going home today and a few hours after I have to work. SUCKAGE! I don't plan on staying until Monday cause I would to see what people do here in school during the weekend. But I doubt there's anything happening cause it's a commuter school. Everyone is in and everyone is out! In and out. Out and In.

I have been noticing that people in school here are funky, rawking, weird, and unique. But isn't everyone unique in their own ways. But anyways the purpose of this was for me to say that there are a lot of "HOTTIES" here at this school. Too bad I won't ever know any of them. Yeah, you've probably say: Why don't you go up to those people and meet and greet them. That's the only way to meet these so-called "HOTTIES." But I choose not to, may be one of these days I will. Don't worry I am going to tell you folks out with anything exciting.

I should be going cause I don't want to catch any traffic. Later folks!

2001-09-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

Ah, a new fresh blog and people don't even know what I plan to post on this. Can't wait for peoples' responses and thought about my mind's breakthrough silence.

Sunday and it's time to go back to school tomorrow. For those people out there who don't know me, my name is Silent J. Silence is the biggest threat for most people and I dwell on the silence that people produce.